New Thermostat Requires You To Relinquish Your Man Card To Turn The Heat On | Eastern NC Now

In order to properly shame the weak, newly installed thermostats will now require men to surrender their Man Card in order to turn on the heat.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    AKRON, OH     In order to properly shame the weak, newly installed thermostats will now require men to surrender their Man Card in order to turn on the heat.

    "You sure you want to do that, you low-T coward?" asked the thermostat, as local man Daniel Miller reached for the heat button. "If so, hand over your man card and go enroll yourself in a birthing class, immediately."

    Being a feeble namby-pamby, Mr. Miller has again considered turning on the heat after all of the house pipes froze, leaving the family without water. "I get that I will disgrace my family name, but we can only survive so long," said Mr. Miller. "And our poor goldfish is literally encased in a block of ice. It's really, really cold in here."

    Though experts say real men never turn on the furnace, even if their eyes freeze shut, surveys show the young boys of the current generation have gone soft. "We hope these new thermostat controls will help push this pathetic crop of weaklings to shape up," said local handyman Art Rogers. "Grab a coat, build a fire, and amputate that toe you lost to frostbite with a garden pruner. You'll finally be able to respect that man in the mirror."

    At publishing time, Mr. Miller's wife and children had lost all respect for him after he set the heat to 40 degrees.

poll#166
With the Midterm Elections less than one week away: What do you consider the top issues that you will be voting on to be corrected by your better representation?
  Education
  Crime
  Big Government getting Bigger
  Biden /Democrat controlled Spike in Energy Cost
  Inflation created by Legislation of Majority in Power
  Gender Reassignment
  Corrupted Bureaucratic /Service (DOJ, FBI, etc.) Institutions
  Abortion
  Discredited Legacy Media
  Ending the Corruption of Dishonest Politicians
  Corruptive Influence of Social Media
  Wide Open Southern Border
439 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published )
Enter Your Comment ( text only please )




Trump Sees No Reason To Return To Twitter As Musk Allows Him Back On Platform Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Nancy Pelosi Steals Speaker Of The House Podium As Souvenir


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Following a string of attacks, critics are calling for denaturalizations. It's not that simple.
Cheryl Hines. Dennis Quaid. Nicki Minaj. All became associated with the Trump administration. What happened next?
President Donald Trump has publicly floated regime change and other aggressive actions toward Cuba.
The solution is not to legalize the problem; it is to enforce the law consistently and deter future illegal immigration.
Beaufort County residents deserve lower taxes and should demand them from government.
"Pay no attention to the folks behind the curtain" was their preference but things are beginning to come to light.
Understanding how parties work is important for making informed decisions regarding elected officials.

HbAD1

The teachers union is pushing to cancel school on May 1 as Chicago public schools continue to report dismal student proficiency rates.
It has been several days since a deranged left-wing lunatic attempted to assassinate President Trump and other members of his administration and yet Roy Cooper is STILL silent out of fear of alienating his base, who is perfectly okay with violence.
new GOP board astounded at number of dead voters on rolls inherited from democrat run board

HbAD2

With a new roadside plaque unveiled in Ellerbe on April 23, legendary wrestler and local resident André René Roussimoff is finally getting the formal recognition fans believe he deserves.

HbAD3

 
 
Back to Top