New Thermostat Requires You To Relinquish Your Man Card To Turn The Heat On | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    AKRON, OH     In order to properly shame the weak, newly installed thermostats will now require men to surrender their Man Card in order to turn on the heat.

    "You sure you want to do that, you low-T coward?" asked the thermostat, as local man Daniel Miller reached for the heat button. "If so, hand over your man card and go enroll yourself in a birthing class, immediately."

    Being a feeble namby-pamby, Mr. Miller has again considered turning on the heat after all of the house pipes froze, leaving the family without water. "I get that I will disgrace my family name, but we can only survive so long," said Mr. Miller. "And our poor goldfish is literally encased in a block of ice. It's really, really cold in here."

    Though experts say real men never turn on the furnace, even if their eyes freeze shut, surveys show the young boys of the current generation have gone soft. "We hope these new thermostat controls will help push this pathetic crop of weaklings to shape up," said local handyman Art Rogers. "Grab a coat, build a fire, and amputate that toe you lost to frostbite with a garden pruner. You'll finally be able to respect that man in the mirror."

    At publishing time, Mr. Miller's wife and children had lost all respect for him after he set the heat to 40 degrees.

poll#166

With the Midterm Elections less than one week away: What do you consider the top issues that you will be voting on to be corrected by your better representation?

  Education

  Crime

  Big Government getting Bigger

  Biden /Democrat controlled Spike in Energy Cost

  Inflation created by Legislation of Majority in Power

  Gender Reassignment

  Corrupted Bureaucratic /Service (DOJ, FBI, etc.) Institutions

  Abortion

  Discredited Legacy Media

  Ending the Corruption of Dishonest Politicians

  Corruptive Influence of Social Media

  Wide Open Southern Border

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