Progressive Really Wants Communism But Is Worried There Won't Be Gluten-Free Bread Lines | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    PORTLAND, OR     Local progressive and Anitfa member Declan Johnson has started to question his commitment to the communist revolution over concerns about a potential lack of gluten-free bread lines.

    "I have a very sensitive stomach," said Mr. Johnson. "The bourgeois must pay and all that, but the bloating from gluten is so uncomfortable."

    A veteran of several riots, Mr. Johnson has for years ventured forth from his parents' basement to advocate the violent redistribution of property. "The evils of inequality wrought by capitalism will never be made right until we are all made equal - at gunpoint, if necessary!" cried Mr. Johnson. "I just really hope that equality doesn't mean all eating the same bread. I'm telling you, one slice of regular bread and I'm on the toilet for hours. It's miserable."

    According to his parents, Mr. Johnson became concerned after noting communist utopias often displayed a startling dearth of bread line options. "He hasn't asked us to drive him over to meet his friends at the courthouse in weeks," said his mother, Sylvia Johnson. "That bread thing really has him worried."

    At publishing time, Mr. Johnson had reportedly left Antifa altogether after learning that the soup from soup lines was not made with organic chicken stock.

poll#169

Considering how abjectly corrupt and civilly abusive the Left has become regarding the corrosive effect of their elected leaders; their entrenched and ruling bureaucracy; employing their failed Education Industry as Indoctrinators; their collusive private sector operators, such as the terminally discredited Legacy Media and Big Tech censorship of Free Speech: What will be the best course forward for hardworking Middle Americans, including the Patriot Class?

  Withdraw from society, go underground and plan for a resurgence when it is feasible to do so.

  Work within the confines of better policy by the People's government, once good sense and sanity is restored in the electorate at large, to achieve such.

  Are you a crazy, nut-job Insurrectionist? Everything is perfect within our plan to achieve our intended goals for the Socialist Left.

  Secession to form a true Constitutional Republic.

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