Man Who's Already Purchased Product Just Wants The Ads To Stop | Eastern North Carolina Now

Having purchased a standing mixer for his wife last month, local man Jared Simmons has found himself unable to escape a virtual blitzkrieg of standing mixer advertisements.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ST. PAUL, MN     Having purchased a standing mixer for his wife last month, local man Jared Simmons has found himself unable to escape a virtual blitzkrieg of standing mixer advertisements.

    "It's over, KitchenAid!" screamed Mr. Simmons, as Facebook unleashed seventeen more ads. "I already bought the dang CuisinArt!!"

    After spending roughly forty-five seconds comparing ratings on Amazon, Mr. Simmons selected his wife's birthday present one month ago to the day. "My life has been a nightmarish parade of cooking utensils ever since," said Mr. Simmons. "I'm not buying another mixer for at least a decade, hopefully ever. It's not a freaking banana, ok? Sure, show me more bananas. Maybe I'll buy another bushel next week, when these are black and in my freezer for my wife to supposedly make banana bread with. But I'm NOT BUYING ANOTHER MIXER!"

    At publishing time, Mr. Simmons had opened his mailbox to find four 'Spatula City' catalogues stuffed inside.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published )
Enter Your Comment ( text only please )




Man Still Basking In Glow Of Never Getting Sucked Into That Show 'Lost' Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Look At This Absolute CHAD Riding One Of Those Motorcycles With Three Wheels


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

would allow civil lawsuit against judge if released criminal causes harm
"This highly provocative move was designed to interfere with our counter narco-terror operations."
Charlie Kirk, 31 years of age, who was renowned as one of the most important and influential college speakers /Leaders in many decades; founder of Turning Point USA, has been shot dead at Utah Valley University.
The Trump administration took actions against Harvard related to the anti-Israel protests that roiled its campus.
In remembrance of the day that will forever seer the concept of 'evil' in our minds, let's look back at that fateful morning, exactly 11 years ago today to that series of horrific events which unfolded before our unbelieving eyes......

HbAD1

faced 25 years in prison for "misgendering" a leftie tranny politician
illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic

HbAD2

It was a clear beautiful, royal blue sky day on Wall Street. The S & P futures were up markedly, awaiting a positive open, as I turn to get my first cup of coffee. I return to CNBC to get the morning business news, when I notice that the S & P futures are falling, and they're falling fast.
conservative youth leader was victim of political assassination
Harvard University is once again sending its students on delegations to China
In addition, Sheikha Al-Thani has "taken to promoting Mamdani’s mayoral candidacy on social media, boosting news of favorable polling on Instagram"

HbAD3

President Donald J. Trump slammed failed Governor Roy Cooper's soft-on-crime agenda that led to the tragic murder of Ukrainian refugee, Iryna Zarutska, by a career criminal in North Carolina.
“I wish I never tried experimenting with either. Don’t let your kids smoke weed or change gender until they are like seventeen.”
For this particular Hollywood love story, there was no girl bossing, no modern twists, no glorification of living in sin forever.
National attention is intensifying after the gruesome murder of a Ukrainian refugee on a Charlotte light rail on Aug. 22.
Trump is different from most politicians. He doesn’t feel he owes these corporations anything.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Soft-on-crime Democrat Roy Cooper stayed silent this weekend after police released the footage of a repeat offender brutally murdering an innocent passenger on the Charlotte Light Rail.
NCGOP, RNC, and NRSC cabal puts thumb on the scales for RINO Whatley
In Australia, Canada, and Europe, free speech on asylum, migration, and national identity is increasingly being curtailed by law.
A three-judge panel has upheld North Carolina's 2018 state constitutional amendments mandating voter ID and lowering the state's income tax cap.

HbAD4

 
Back to Top