Who Is Punished In Each Of The 9 Circles Of Hell?

Latest Polls (view all)

Under the cover of Covid, and now in the shadow of the infamous Election Irregularities of that fated 2020 presidential election, with current emerging alleged election fraud in Nevada and Pennsylvania inconveniently slipping into the public discourse, there is proved a colluded ongoing Election Interference in the nomination of the Republican candidate, the likes of which has never occurred in our Constitutional Republic's history, albeit, the question remains: Do you support the plain-sight Election Interference of the Democratic Socialist party, employing its minions in their Propagandistic Media, and their Two Tiered Justice System?

98.88% No, I do not support Election Interference; I am a patriot unto our Constitution.

1.12% Yes, I do support Election Interference; the alternative, Donald Trump, to this mentally diminished president is far worse.

0% "What, me worry" if elections are rigged?

Click Here to Vote
89 Vote(s)

View all Polls

Who Is Punished In Each Of The 9 Circles Of Hell?

Published: Saturday, March 30th, 2024 @ 8:04 pm
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Many people are familiar with Dante's famous "9 Circles of Hell," where different categories of pitiful souls spend eternity in horrific torment for their sins. Still, the ones he wrote about may seem a little outdated for modern readers. It's been 700 years since we learned who was hanging out in each circle of Hell in Dante's Inferno, and Hades has added quite a few souls!

    After extensive investigation, The Babylon Bee has discovered the following updated list of who will be cast into Dante's 9 Circles of Hell:

    Level 1: People who use talk-to-text in public.

    Punishment: Condemned to spend eternity next to a woman screaming "NO, I SAID SLUSHY! SLUSHY!"

    Level 2: Anyone who asks "Workin' hard or hardly workin'?"

    Punishment: They will endure the unending awkward silence their joke deserves.

    Level 3: People who don't return their shopping carts to the corral.

    Punishment: Not fit for print.

    Level 4: Makers of single-ply toilet paper.

    Punishment: They shall be forced to use their own product while eating only Taco Bell.

    Level 5: People who add a chorus to "Amazing Grace."

    Punishment: They shall be sentenced to an eternity of hearing "Waymaker" on an endless loop.

    Level 6: Everyone from Chile, strangely.

    Punishment: The consequences will fit their crime, whatever it is. That's between them and God.

    Level 7: The inventor of the recorder.

    Punishment: May this person burn in everlasting fire while listening to a young child attempt to play "Mary Had a Little Lamb."

    Level 8: Steve.

    Punishment: There may not be a fire hot enough for what he deserves.

    Level 9: The TSA agent at George Bush Intercontinental Airport, Terminal B, who yelled 'YOU!! KEEP YOUR BELT ON! BELT ON!!', right where everyone could see who she was talking to, not more than fifteen seconds after saying, "Please remove your belt and any other accessories."

    Punishment: TSA pat down for ALL OF ETERNITY.

    Woe to those wretched souls who fall into any of these categories!

Go Back