White House Explains That Biden Smeared Suntan Lotion On His Sandwich And Spread Mayo On His Face, A Simple Mistake That Could Happen To Anyone | Eastern North Carolina Now

The White House explained today that President Biden's horrific sunburn occurred due to him spreading mayonnaise on his face instead of his ham sandwich, a snafu that could happen to anyone of any cognitive ability.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     The White House explained today that President Biden's horrific sunburn occurred due to him spreading mayonnaise on his face instead of his ham sandwich, a snafu that could happen to anyone of any cognitive ability.

    "We've all been there, right?" asked Karine Jean-Pierre to the White House Press Corps. "You've just finished applying the last touches of sunscreen to your ear lobes and realize -- oh shucks! I'm covered in Hellman's mayo! It happens to the best of us."

    President Biden reportedly applied an entire jar of mayonnaise before laying out on the beach for 13 straight hours, broken up only by a lunch break where he devoured a sandwich covered in suntan lotion. "Spread it on!" said Biden as he put layers of lotion onto his square of wheat bread. "Ah, nothing like the beach and a sammy. Mm, delicious!" exclaimed Biden, before stuffing the entire thing in his mouth and reapplying an extra coat of mayo to his face.

    According to the White House physician, the mayonnaise served as a sort of basting sauce and cooked the President to a safe internal temperature of 165 degrees. "The mayo served as an ideal insulation for heat, allowing the President to roast to an even temperature all over," reported Dr. Kevin O'Connor. "His skin is crispy, but the white meat still retained plenty of moisture. The effect of sixteen ounces of suntan lotion on his colon remains to be seen."

    At publishing time, the spectacular effect of sixteen ounces of suntan lotion on Biden's colon had at last been seen.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Who Is Punished In Each Of The 9 Circles Of Hell? Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics John Lennon's son says DEI stands for "Dumb Evil Idiots"


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic
Noem said that her message to illegal aliens was: "We do not want you here and you should leave."
The new Defense Secretary has wasted no time in rooting out DEI in the U.S. military as he promised.
A University of North Carolina tennis star is seeking an injunction in her federal lawsuit against the NCAA over access to prize money.
“Today’s jobs report reveals the Biden economy was far worse than anyone thought..."
Karen Brinson Bell, executive director of the NC State Board of Elections, recently was elected incoming president of the National Association of State Election Directors (NASED), putting her in line to serve as association president in 2026.

HbAD1

Munich attack ingured 28 including todlet fighting for his life
As proof he was willing to back up his strong words in support of DEI practices in business, Dallas Mavericks minority owner Mark Cuban announced the team had signed actor Peter Dinklage as its new power forward.
Michele Morrow has called for the dismantling of the US Department of Education, urging the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) under Elon Musk’s leadership to take swift action.
The U.S. Digital Service hired from the porn industry and a gender studies department, building a legion of queer activists. Now it's DOGE.
Beaufort County Commissioner Hood Richardson has long objected to the manner in which the Center-Left Coalition, and their associative bureaucrats conduct business, and, in that vein of purpose, the Commissioner is requesting an opinion regarding the familial status of married members governing.

HbAD2

this is on top of money diverted from FEMA, VA and other sources
"Is it Saturday Night Live or real life? Does anyone really think this is the future of the country?"
'I think you know, no matter who the president is, I know I'm excited because it's the biggest game of my life ...'
Reform Party says climate policies leading to de-industrialization of Britain
Pope Francis issued an official statement today demanding that God remove the walls and gates that surround the Kingdom of Heaven.
"First prize in producing election coverage that reads more like Democratic National Committee press releases"

HbAD3

 
Back to Top