Bikini Bottom Scandal: New Leaked Documents Reveal Mr. Krabs Made Over 50 Trips To Weenie Hut Jr's | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    BIKINI ATOLL     Local owner of The Krusty Krab Eugene Krabs is in hot water after newly unsealed documents revealed he visited Weenie Hut Jr's over 50 times over the last 10 years.

    "I don't know what you're talking about!" said Mr. Krabs to local reporters. "I've never been to that sissy place in my life! I'm not a weenie! I'm the toughest crustacean in the seven seas! I'M NOT A WEENIE!"

    Initial reports from the over 300 pages of previously sealed documents suggest Mr. Krabs secretly visited the rival restaurant dozens of times on Double Weenie Wednesdays and Mega Weenie Mondays while telling friends and acquaintances he was visiting the Salty Spitoon across the street. The documents also showed several purchases of Weenie Hut Jr's signature Weenie Hut Sundae. "One thing is clear," said local news anchor Realistic Fish Head. "Eugene Harold Krabs is a fraud and a MAJOR weenie."

    Others, however, were elated at the news. Local fry cook Spongebob Squarepants told reporters he had always had a feeling about the money-grubbing restauranteur. "WOOOOOOOO HOOOOO! Mr. Krabs is one of us!" he said. "A WEENIE!"

    At publishing time, Krabs had been seen leaving town at night in the Invisible Boat Mobile.