Raised in a Barn | Eastern NC Now

Raised in a Barn

BY: HOOD RICHARDSON

My opinion is that the USA (American) society taken as a whole is far less mannerly than we were 30 years ago. Being boisterous or rude or crude or unsympathetic or not empathetic or loud and obnoxious seems to be becoming more acceptable as long as it makes the ruffian feel good. There is little reward for developing the skill of putting the other fellow in his place in a polite and dignified way.

I am writing this article without naming names or identifying incidents. However, future articles will leave no doubt about who the ruffians are.

Ruffians who do not deal with others in a mannerly way do not seem to be aware that they reveal a lot about themselves. Observers who are aware of the characteristics of sociopaths, narcissists and all those other personality defects described in psychology books can spot them from far away. Those who have not read psychology books can apply the “Golden Rule”. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. It works just as well.

Manners are the accepted way of how we interact with each other. Manners are necessary for a happy productive society.

Almost all organized clubs, governments and boards use Roberts Rules of Order to conduct meetings to do business as the final authority on manners and order. The book is a couple of hundred pages, is somewhat complex, but works. Because of this, unscrupulous people who have more knowledge of Roberts Rules of Order tend to use it to take advantage of those who are less informed. This is why a competent and fair-minded parliamentarian should always be designated when these rules are being used. Needless to say, those who use these rules of order unfairly are not mannerly and display bullying tactics.

It is particularly discomforting when Roberts Rules of Order are used for no benefit other than to control events or to bully others. The two worst offenses are making a “motion to adjourn a meeting” and “calling of the question”. The “motion to adjourn” is usually made when someone is trying to get the floor to make a statement. A vote is required to adjourn. If business is complete, and the person wants to make an announcement and not continue business, what harm is there in allowing them to speak. Many want to vote to adjourn so they can go home. How about voting against adjourning, be mannerly, and allow the person to speak. Many people think they are required to vote to adjourn but they do not. The “calling of the question” is made by bullies to cut off debate and force a vote. This is done by those who know they already have the votes to do what they want or are afraid if the truth comes out, they will lose. Many chairmen rapidly skip over the requirement to vote on the “calling the question” and ask for the vote on the issue at hand. A vote on the motion to “call the question” is required before proceeding to vote on the issue at hand.

Usually there is no cost in being mannerly, sensitive, gracious, sympathetic or empathetic to anyone else. There is a cost to personal character in being unmannerly.

There is a reverse side to the “Golden Rule.” That is: “Do unto others as they do to you”. There is no shame in treating others as they treat you. I do this on occasion. However, there is a risk that my motives will be misunderstood, and I will look more unmannerly than others. Good manners are always recommended.

It is important that we all—and particularly parliamentarians and presiding officers—demonstrate respect for those who have elected representatives. It is not the duty of chairs to stifle the right of a duly elected representative to speak for their constituents. This principle becomes all the more important when the chair, or even the majority, do not agree with what a representative is saying on behalf of their constituents. In fact, it is the duty of the chair to ensure that all viewpoints are considered. Ultimately, it is important that the chair respects the rights of those with whom the chair may disagree with on an issue being discussed. Let the speaker express their constituents’ beliefs and positions.

Good government requires civility and civility demands tolerance.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.