When did I actually become a Klutz? | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Alex Ortolano (Smartfella) recently wrote an article on his blog about being an Excellent Impulse Shopper.   I have no doubt in my mind that is true. I too have a tendency to buy on impulse. I have honed my skill in this area to the point that I often refer to myself as the "Gadget Man." My impulse buys tend to fall into the category of thingamajigs, thingamabobs, gizmos and my dad's favorite: Oxzola machines. If anyone ever asked him what an Oxzola Machine was, he replied, "It grinds smoke. Some of the readers may be getting the source of my SmartA$$" persona. I either inherited it or acquired it through osmosis. In any event it is what it is. I have written about Dad's ability simplify a task in my article about The Family Garden here.   Let me quickly add that dad was far from lazy, he just had an inventive mind and a bad back from a a motorcycle racing wreck and a firefighting accident earlier in life. Below is an example. He was never confined to a wheelchair or cart until the last three months of his life, but Jim and I bought him a four wheel cart to ride just for a joke on his 85th birthday. He made the best use of it. One of his neighbors told me they saw him driving down the road to the drug store a block away to buy a another cigar (he was 90 at the time). The next day I bought a box of cigars. It was hard to stay ahead of the ole man even when he was 99.

    The object that Alex referred to in his article was a device designed to pick up things from a distance of three feet Plus arm length.

    As you can see this device allows you to reach items that are beyond your normal reach. I carry one in the car as well as having one in the garage and one in the house. Were they on sale at Home Depot? No but a good deal does not have to be tied to a sale. It just needs the willingness of an aging Impulse Shopper. I did not even ask for the volume, senior, minister or veterans discount. Now that is what I call an Impulse Shopper.

    This device is a replacement for several I have had over the years. In my own defense, there is a quote attributed to Thomas Edison:

    I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

    Now, I don't claim to be a Thomas Edison but I have found that perfection does not come on the first try. When I initially bought my first "Niffty Nabber," ( yes it actually does have a name) I used it to reach items in the my home shop. I had build shelves to hold my collection of CRAP (Collectibles Rare and Precious). I am not one to waste space so I the shelves went from floor to ceiling. The 'Niffty Nabber' helped me reach those items. It was also good for reaching items in the top Kitchen Shelves without getting on a step ladder. Since no one has asked why I need one in the car, I will volunteer the reason. I am somewhat of a lazy person and getting out of the car to get the mail just seems like too much trouble. The 'Niffty Nabber' allows me to get mail from my street mail box from the driver's seat without getting out of the car. Since I am also a jokester and prankster, it helps me pick up my lunch sack with Big Mac and Fries at McDonald's. You know some of those workers don't have a very good sense of humor. I wonder if a raise to $15 per hour would help that?

   However, in the last 10 - 15 years, I have noticed a tendency to drop things. I am not talking about heavy things. I mean simple forks, spoons and car keys. I have found the 'Niffty Nabber' is great for picking those things up off the floor. So far I have not had to use it as walking cane, I already have another gadget that doubles as a cane and self protection weapon. It does not require a concealed carry permit and I had plenty of training when I was a kid.

   I did some research on why old people tend to drop things. I found out it could be Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. As many of you know that is caused by "making the same hand movements over and over" as in typing long and boring articles about being a klutz. If you were observant and still awake, you might have noticed that Carpal Tunnel Syndrome was underlined above and here. If you are inquisitive you may have clicked on the link and found out it was an advertisement for a solution to CTS. It is a special bandage that you wear at night to stretch the ligaments in our hand.

   Oh, boy another gadget. That is what I call killing two birds with one stone. Of course I could just stop typing so much.....Naw!!! Some may be asking if I ordered this special solution for CTS. Well I clicked my way to the 'BUY NOW' page. After careful consideration this Impulse Shopper decided "I DON'T THINK SO." I do have my limits.

   While I understand that no one really cares what the answer to my title question is. But if you made it this far, there are really two answers to the question depending on which definition you use. (Klutz or Clutz)

1. A stupid person; idiot; blockhead: Now, klutz that I am, I thought of Bobby Tony/ A small crowd of first-class clutzes---   The answer: I always have been one.
   
2. A clumsy person; a lubberly lout : I am the world's biggest klutz. I trip over my own feet, drop things-----The answer: Somewhere between 60 years old and now (71).

       Now, if you think I am alone in my idiosyncrasies about finding easier ways to get things done, you should meet my brother. He is Grand Master Titleholder in our family. After all he is five years older than me and has had more time to hone his skills.

   Don't get excited, it runs in the family but it is not contagious.