DeSantis Just Signed These 12 BASED Executive Orders | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Look out, Florida! Gov Ron DeSantis just signed some super-based executive orders to own the libs! Awwwww yeeeaaaaaah!

    Here are some of the most notable:

    1) Disney must build two more Space Mountains so there's never a line: I mean, come on.

    2) Olive Garden must give out three times as many of those little chocolate mints at the end of the meal: This is just good business sense.

    3) All airline pilots in Florida must high-five before their flight and say "I have the need-the need for speed": Should improve safety in the danger zone.

    4) Blippi to be shot on sight: No quarter for enemies of the state!

    5) Cardio: Banned.

    6) TikTok: Banned.

    7) Leggings as pants: Double banned.

    8) Lord of the Rings added to high school English curriculum: A Tom Bombadil after-school program will be set up for at-risk youths.

    9) All tea must be sweet: Unsweetened tea to be dumped in the ocean.

    10) Games of "Hide 'N Seek" must be counted using 100 MISSISSIPPI's: Florida shall be a state of law and order!

    11) Theatrical releases to feature special Florida cut: Basically the same as the Chinese cut but in a language normal people speak.

    12) The Babylon Bee gains self-governing status: Dope!