12 Tasks You Can Accomplish During Your Husband's Lengthy Bathroom Excursions | Beaufort County Now | Ladies, if you really want to be a Proverbs 31 woman, you need to be a hard worker, clean the house, take care of the kids, and make lots of sandwiches.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Ladies, if you really want to be a Proverbs 31 woman, you need to be a hard worker, clean the house, take care of the kids, and make lots of sandwiches. This means you need to make efficient use of your free time.

    So, when your husband goes to the restroom, you know you've got hours on end to yourself to get stuff done. Here are a few simple tasks you can accomplish before his phone finally runs out of battery or his legs fall asleep and he decides to emerge.

    1. Shiplap the entire house - Don't let a single square inch of regular wall remain.

    2. Read your Bible. The whole thing - Genesis to Revelation. Add the Apocrypha if your husband is taking extra long this morning.

    3. Watch all three Lord of the Rings movies - Extended editions, of course.

    4. Make a sacred pilgrimage to Waco, Texas to pick up some home decor at Chip and Joanna Gaines's Magnolia Market - You'll be back with time to spare.

    5. Write a novel - Your hubby will be so proud of you when he gets out of the bathroom.

    6. Try to understand your husband's hobbies by setting up and playing an entire game of Axis & Allies: Global 1940 - It's important to get invested in each other's lives.

    7. Demo all the shiplap you installed because you decide you hate it and replace with trendier board and batten walls - Shiplap is OUT.

    8. Join and subsequently burn out on a pyramid scheme - Your husband's bathroom trips should give you plenty of time to join a work-from-home business, alienate all your friends and family, and then burn out on it and frantically try to offload all your product.

    9. Build a chicken coop, buy some chicks, watch them grow into hens, collect eggs as they enjoy a full and fulfilled life, fry chicken for dinner - He'll be hungry after his bathroom trip, after all.

    10. Learn a new skill like ballroom dancing or parallel parking - Take a class at the local community college!

    11. Buy and murder several dozen house plants - Your husband's trip to the restroom should provide ample time to buy dozens of house plants, neglect them, and watch them die a slow, painful death.

    12. Await the return of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ - Jesus should return before your husband does.

    We hope you've redeemed the time well, for a happier home where you can live, laugh, and love!
Go Back


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Have you heard the latest? Uncle Joe is attempting to appropriate billions of dollars to a program designed to mandate that CRT is taught across the nation in OUR public schools.
Saule Omarova, Democrat President Joe Biden’s nominee for comptroller of the currency, has withdrawn her name from consideration for the position after facing increasing opposition to nomination over allegations that she was a Marxist.
The Federal Reserve announced an increase in interest rates Wednesday afternoon, boosting the cost of borrowing money by 0.75%, the largest increase in a single meeting in nearly 30 years.
Clarence Thomas tells us what we need to be working toward
Politicians in Washington are growing increasingly nervous, as the CDC has announced they have discovered the first case of Lizardpox on American shores.
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said on Sunday that suspending gas taxes is “certainly worth considering” amid rising energy prices.
Australia reportedly will not send officials to the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing, China, in response to the communist nation’s genocide against religious minorities.
To what extent can a selective educational institution advantage certain racial groups in admissions decisions without discriminating against other groups simultaneously?
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen on Sunday blamed global factors for Americans’ spiraling purchasing power and declared a recession is “not at all inevitable,” despite a growing consensus the U.S. could soon find out one is already underway.


With the price of food skyrocketing and the value of Bitcoin plummeting, McDonald's restaurants across the world have rolled out a new value menu in which all items cost only 1 Bitcoin.
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) slammed President Joe Biden during a speech on the Senate floor Tuesday over the unfolding crisis in Ukraine. Tens of thousands of Russian soldiers have been amassing near its border in what experts warn might be a prelude to an invasion.
The North Carolina State Health Plan and the National Academy for State Health Policy Find that North Carolina's Dominant Hospital Systems Recorded Billions of Dollars in Profits After Taking Taxpayer-Funded COVID Relief
Governor Ron DeSantis (R-FL) got some unexpected praise late this week from media personality Bill Maher, who insisted that DeSantis would be better than former President Donald Trump.
Milestone Air Quality Legislation Paved Way for Significant Environmental and Clean Energy Efforts
White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki took a shot at Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) during Tuesday’s press briefing over remarks that Ocasio-Cortez made about organized retail theft incidents that have plagued several major Democrat-controlled cities in recent weeks.
The United States of America has edged closer and closer to the Leftist maxim of "Abortion on Demand" whenever it is demanded, by whomever demands it, but now that ease of operation to alleviate oneself of that nagging little problem has come to a screeching halt.


Back to Top