Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.
Well, [latest Marvel movie] is out, and if there's something we can say about it, it's that it's a movie where things happen, heroes punch bad guys, and sometimes there are jokes.
[Hero] went on a journey of self-discovery in [latest Marvel movie]. [Hero] faced a challenge unlike anything [hero] had faced before, with unexpected plot twists, betrayals, and sudden changes of fortune along the way. At least one intimidating CGI foe was fought. Jokes were told as [hero] struggled to overcome [bad guy], including several pop culture references that made us say, "Hey, I understand that reference."
And then, we all clapped. But, in the end, [hero] went through a dark night of the soul moment and drew on the lessons [hero] had learned throughout the film to overcome [bad guy].
Especially effective was the scene in which [hero] and [bad guy] faced off, each holding out their hands as some sort of energy shot out and the battling currents pushed against each other as the two combatants strained mightily. [Hero] was, in the end, able to use [mystical item] to stop [generic magic sky beam] from destroying everything. We recognized [other Marvel hero] and [other other Marvel hero], who made brief appearances to assist [hero]. They also said their signature catchphrases and made a reference to something that happened in [previous Marvel movie]. We all clapped.
That's not to say the plot was perfect. It could be confusing. For instance, a few things didn't make sense unless you had seen [Marvel show on Disney+] and [other Marvel movie]. But as long as you are caught up on all [running Marvel movie count] Marvel movies, you shouldn't have any trouble following along.
Plus, it was maybe a little too long at [runtime], but we were excited that the extra runtime was used to represent [underrepresented minority or LGBTQ group] throughout [latest Marvel movie]. Although [other underrepresented minority or LGBTQ group] still hasn't been given the representation they deserve in the Marvel universe, and we hope Marvel corrects this in [next Marvel movie].
And - spoiler alert - after the credits of [latest Marvel movie], a surprise character from [other Marvel movie] appeared, teasing us to go watch [next Marvel movie].
We all clapped.
Final score: 3/5 stars, signifying we enjoyed [latest Marvel movie] but probably will rewatch it in a year or two and think, "I don't remember a single thing that happened in this movie."