FBI Closely Monitoring Gathering Of Christian Nationalists | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ROANOKE, VA     The FBI has dispatched surveillance teams after several reports surfaced of Christian Nationalists planning to spend a day thanking God for His blessings and praying for America.

    "Looks like the turkey's hit the table, boys," reported Agent Schwartz to the tactical team. "That means the praying will be inbound shortly if I know these sickos like I think I do."

    The FBI has reported a massive increase in Christian Nationalist activity as of late, with many in the Bureau expecting a widespread show of force on Thanksgiving. "The entire Thanksgiving holiday is basically a dog whistle for Christian Nationalists," explained FBI Director Christopher Wray. "Here we have a holiday declared by Abraham Lincoln, one of the most famous Christian Nationalists ever, meant to be entirely dedicated to thanking God for our country and praying God's guidance for her future. If that's not domestic terrorism, I don't know what is."

    After a bit of shuffling, Agent Schwartz reported that the Graham family had, in fact, said a prayer and started eating turkey. "We've got three generations of terrorists present - maybe four, that old terrorist on the walker is moving slow," said Agent Schwartz. "Sure is sad to see the little ones getting indoctrinated like this. Next thing you know, that baby will be storming the Capitol, mark my words."

    At publishing time, Grandma Graham has reportedly gone outside to ask the weirdo with the binoculars if he would like to come in for some pie.

poll#165

In light of continued developments, primarily since 2008, there exists in these United States a Legal System which operates on a proved Two Tiered approach to justice rendered, which primarily benefits Democratic Elites and Woke Ideological Virtue Signalers, representing their co-dependent wards, to the expressed exclusion of normal hardworking American citizens: What is your suggestion in remedying this widespread injustice and, if not corrected, its existential outcome for our Constitutional Republic?

  Complete overhaul of the Department of Justice and their enforcers - the FBI - to reflect a far more honest justice system to keep patriots remaining calm.

  Disband the FBI, and request that congress investigate all unethical and non patriotic practices to partially right the wrongs of a distrusted and politically weaponized "Department of Justice."

  Continue with the current system since the two tiered justice system has been so remarkably beneficial to Democratic Socialist political hegemony; chronic distrust in institutions notwithstanding.

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