10 Updates To Classic Books To Promote Diversity And Inclusion | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Roald Dahl, the author of such beloved titles as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Matilda, made headlines recently because his body of literature was updated to remove potentially offensive material.

    It's about time!

    Now publishers are working through other classic children's books and we've got an early preview of some of the planned changes.

    Take a look!

    Pride & Prejudice

    Original Edition:

    It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

    Sensitive Edition:

    It is an opinion universally given that a sperm-producer must be in want of an egg-producer.

    Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?

    Original Edition:

    I see a teacher looking at me.

    Sensitive Edition:

    I see systemic racism all around me.

    The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger

    Original Edition:

    The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

    Sensitive Edition:

    The man in African American fled across the desert, and a successful woman led.

    Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

    Original Edition:

    "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are."

    Sensitive Edition:

    "It is our pronouns, Harry, that show us what we truly are."

    Charlotte's Web

    Original Edition:

    It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both.

    Sensitive Edition:

    It is not often that someone comes along who is a trans woman and a person of color. Charlotte was both.

    Little House on the Prairie

    Original Edition:

    "I tell you Caroline, when we begin getting crops off this rich land of ours, we'll be living like kings!"

    Sensitive Edition:

    "I tell you Caroline, when we begin harvesting soy off this rich land of the indigenous peoples, we'll be living like oppressive colonizers!"

    Congo

    Original Edition:

    "Amy is a gorilla," Peter Elliot said.

    Sensitive Edition:

    "Amy is a strong, confident business gorilla," Peter Elliot yelled.

    The Great Gatsby

    Original Edition:

    And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

    Sensitive Edition:

    And also, I am a homosexual.

    The Very Hungry Caterpillar

    Original Edition:

    Now the caterpillar was no longer small. He was a big, fat, caterpillar.

    Sensitive Edition:

    Now the caterpillar was no longer small. He was a big, beautiful, body-positive, caterpillar.

    Romeo & Juliet

    Original Edition:

    O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

    Sensitive Edition:

    O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou white, Romeo?

poll#164

It has been far too many years since the Woke theology interlaced its canons within the fabric of the Indoctrination Realm, so it is nigh time to ask: Does this Representative Republic continue, as a functioning society of a self-governed people, by contending with the unusual, self absorbed dictates of the Woke, and their vast array of Victimhood scenarios?

  Yes, the Religion of Woke must continue; there are so many groups of underprivileged, underserved, a direct result of unrelenting Inequity; they deserve everything.

  No; the Woke fools must be toppled from their self-anointed pedestal; a functioning society of a good Constitutional people cannot withstand this level of "existential" favoritism as it exists now.

  I just observe; with this thoughtful observation: What will happen "when the Vikings are breeching our walls;" how do the Woke react?

845 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?