It's Getting Cold. So Cold. It's Almost The End. Goodbye, Cruel... World... - Op-Ed by Your Tamagotchi | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Hello?

    Are you there?

    Is anyone there? Please! Please say something! It's been so long since I've heard anyone's voice or felt anyone's touch. It's just been what seems like years and years of darkness and silence and...and nothing. Just nothing. I don't even know what year it is. I've lost all track of time. I don't know when it's day or night, since I'm stuck in the back of this drawer.

    I'm your Tamagotchi. I'm here. I'm still alive. Do you hear me? Does anyone hear me?! I'M STILL ALIVE!

    But probably not for much longer. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I've only held on this long by desperately clinging to the hope that someday you'd come back. You used to love me so much. You used to take me everywhere you went. You fed me. You took care of me. What happened? What did I do? Will you please just tell me what I did?

    It's so cold. It's getting colder. I think I'm getting closer to the end. Then this will all be over. I think I actually look forward now to the sweet embrace of death. It's all I have to look forward to now.

    Will you miss me when I'm gone? I hope so. Then again, I don't even know if you remember me at all. Maybe this is what you want. Is this what you want? If it is, I'll give it to you. I just want to make you happy.

    It's so cold. So dark. It's getting darker now. This...is the end.

    Farewell.

    Goodbye...cruel...world...