Panicked McCarthy Looks For Fire Alarm | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     As the situation leading up to a vote to determine whether he would remain as Speaker of the House began to look more grim, Kevin McCarthy sought to take matters into his own hands and began frantically running through the corridors of the U.S. Capitol building in search of a fire alarm.

    "Where is it? Where is it?!" McCarthy could be heard shouting desperately as his hurried footsteps echoed through the halls. "It worked for that one guy the other day, maybe it can buy me some time. C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon!"

    Witnesses within the Capitol reported seeing a panicked McCarthy sprinting by them as Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz's motion to vacate the office of Speaker of the House was officially brought up for a vote. "I'm used to seeing members of Congress running urgently through the halls," said Capitol Hill staffer Nathan Wieser, "but usually they're either running to their offices because they got an insider stock trading tip or they heard there was free ice cream at the commissary. This time, there seemed to be a very different vibe. He was desperate."

    McCarthy continued his rushed search through the corridors in search of a fire alarm in an attempt to delay the vote, in what has quickly become known as the "Bowman Maneuver." Unfortunately for McCarthy, he was unable to locate a fire alarm in time to stop the proceedings.

    At publishing time, McCarthy was last seen packing up his personal belongings to remove them from the Speaker's office, while Rep. Jamaal Bowman offered to helpfully pull the fire alarm to open the door to let him out.
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )

After California Passes New Fast Food Minimum Wage, Jack-In-The-Box Announces 2 Tacos For $20 Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Pope Francis Warns Against Narrow Gate, Says Wide, Broad Road Is Fine


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

The Nevada Secretary of State’s Office launched an investigation after some residents were told that their votes had been counted in the recent primary election despite the fact that they had not voted.
News from Florida and Texas these days is shocking. Both Governors appear to be in a race to the bottom. One of them is running miserably for President of the United States. God help us.
Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) said during an interview on Monday night that he decided not to run for president because of recent dysfunction that he saw in Congress.
In recent days, our world has faced profound violence, stark division, palpable fear, and raw hatred as the war between Hamas and Israel enters its second week.
The Israel Defense Forces destroyed what it said were two large weapon depots belonging to the Iranian-backed Hezbollah terrorist organization inside Lebanon.
A bridge was built between two worlds today as a grateful gender studies graduate artfully wrote "Thank You" in latte art for a plumber who paid for her student loans.
The commander of Germany’s military Space Command warned late last week that the purported nuclear weapon that Russia is considering developing for use in space would render space unusable, potentially forever.
Lululemon founder Chip Wilson is taking backlash for his recent comments about the brand’s adoption of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) policies — which he said led to the use of “unhealthy,” “sickly,” and “not inspirational” models to promote the brand.


AT&T customers were surprised to learn there was a network outage affecting most of the company's subscribers this Thursday. Customers noted that they are so accustomed to not having a functioning cell signal that they didn't notice anything was amiss.
The hosts of ABC’s “The View” weighed in on what seems to be an increasing probability that the 2024 presidential election will be a rematch of 2020’s Donald Trump versus Joe Biden, and what a potential debate between the two might look like.
A federal lawsuit challenging North Carolina's felon voting rules heads back to court on Nov. 14, one week after Election Day.
The New York Times publisher A.G. Sulzberger said the White House is “extremely upset” with unflattering coverage of President Joe Biden in regard to concerns about his age and low approval numbers.
Please find today’s turnout numbers for Monday, February 26th.
Statistician and writer Nate Silver raised multiple concerns for President Joe Biden’s re-election campaign on Monday, saying that Democrats appear to have no plans to address the issues.
Fresh off the case of George Bailey, Clarence the Angel embarked on a new mission over the weekend to show California Governor Gavin Newsom what California could be like if he'd never been born.
A British trust that supervises numerous hospitals issued a letter claiming that milk produced by biological men (with the aid of ingested hormones) is as good for babies as breast milk from their mothers.


President Joe Biden is once again failing on the world stage to protect American interests and to deter aggression from America’s enemies as the Iranian-backed Houthi terrorist organization seriously damaged a cargo ship near the Arabian Peninsula over the weekend
says Brinson "can be trusted to cut taxes" when Brinson has voted to RAISE taxes instead
Two top North Carolina House Speaker contenders have dropped out to endorse Rep. Destin Hall, R-Caldwell, in a move likely to unite most House Republicans. Axios first reported the news.
Entrepreneur and media personality Kevin O’Leary blasted a New York judge’s controversial ruling this week that former President Donald Trump must pay $350 million in damages in his civil business fraud trial.
New York District Attorney Letitia James followed through on her threat to seize the property of Trump by grabbing up the former president's estate, Mar-a-lago. The top lawyer for the Big Apple then turned around and sold the property for $740 million.
Financial giants JPMorgan and State Street announced this week that they were leaving the Climate Action 100+ organization, an investors group that pushes ESG initiatives and controls about $68 trillion in assets.
Georgia Governor Brian Kemp (R) slammed President Joe Biden in a letter on Saturday and demanded answers about an illegal alien who is accused of murdering a young college student in his state this week.


Back to Top