9 Reasons To Just Let The Government Raise Your Kids | Eastern North Carolina Now

Watching your own kids is hard, and childcare is so expensive. That's why you should just let the government take care of them!

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    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Watching your own kids is hard, and childcare is so expensive. That's why you should just let the government take care of them!

    The Babylon Bee is here to encourage you with the following list of reasons why trusting the government to raise your kids might really pay off.

  1. The government always does a great job at everything it does: Have you ever seen the government fail at anything? Didn't think so.
  2. The feds raised Eleven from Stranger Things and that turned out great: It was encouraging to see how seriously the government took its responsibility to keep an eye on her.
  3. California is already doing it: If there's one thing we've learned in the past few years it's that you should always follow California's example.
  4. Your child might learn a cool secret reptilian language: That will come in handy for his high school field trip to D.C.
  5. When they turn out bad you can just blame Republicans for lack of funding: Johnny's a meth dealer now? CURSE YOU, REPUBLICANS!
  6. It's not fair for your child to have a better education than others: Your kids should get the same low-quality schooling as all the other kids being raised by the government. It's all about fairness, folks.
  7. Free babysitting so you can practice self-care with several glasses of wine: The only thing more important than caring for your child... is caring for yourself. You deserve it!
  8. They will always be fully vaccinated: The most important thing when it comes to raising children is to inject them with as many experimental drugs as possible.
  9. They will learn to obey their parent: Which is now the government

    As a sane, warm-hearted parent, looking at that list should put your mind at ease and have you rushing to hand your kids off to the government.
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