10 Analog Replacements For Popular Video Games | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Life was a lot simpler before video games came along. Remember when kids could play all day and build real memories that didn't involve a screen? Those were the days.

    If you want to raise your kids right, try out these analog substitutes for popular video games:

    Instead of Super Mario Bros., have your kids fix the plumbing under your kitchen sink: It will build character.

    Instead of Sonic the Hedgehog, tell them to go outside and run as fast as they can until they find a gold ring: What a thrilling adventure!

    Instead of Halo, get them a stick from the woods that kind of looks like a gun: The needler is a pine tree branch. Pew, pew!

    Instead of Fortnite, give them a stack of discarded Amazon boxes: Basically the same thing.

    Instead of Minecraft, send them to the coal mines: No creepers there!

    Instead of Baldur's Gate III, let them learn about the horrors of bestiality from the book of Leviticus: Not appropriate for all ages.

    Instead of Call of Duty, volunteer them for the armed forces: Way better graphics.

    Instead of Grand Theft Auto VI, try a family trip through downtown Chicago: Just as fun, and you're not as likely to be arrested by police.

    Instead of Elden Ring, invite them to bash their head into the wall repeatedly and throw the controller at the screen: This will save time.

    Instead of The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, drop them off in the mountains and tell them to find their way home: You can even give them a variety of mushrooms to snack on as they journey.

    Try one of these today!