Southwest Introduces New C-17 Cargo Plane Capable Of Carrying Your Mom | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    DALLAS, TX     Southwest Airlines announced Friday that they have purchased a Boeing C-17 Globemaster widebody cargo aircraft that's capable of transporting your mom. This announcement comes on the heels of Southwest's announcement of a new "passengers of size" policy for all domestic flights.

    "Southwest has always welcomed our circumferentially-challenged customers onboard our aircraft by allowing them to purchase extra seats," said company spokesman Jed Porkins. "As a natural extension of this policy, we're proud to introduce a new aircraft that's capable of transporting our largest of passengers: your mom."

    Originally designed for military use, Southwest's new C-17 aircraft comes equipped with an 18-foot by 88-foot cargo area decked out with full-length floor rollers, reinforced titanium tiedown anchors, and a full-width hydraulic cargo door. With a max payload capacity of 170,000 pounds, the C-17 is more than capable of transporting an M1 Abrams battle tank, a Triton-class nuclear submarine, or your mom.

    Porkins said the new aircraft is expected to cut down your mom's travel time significantly, as she will no longer need to travel via freight train or ocean liner. "We think your mom is going to be very happy flying with us here at Southwest," he noted.

    At publishing time, the airline confirmed their new cargo jet was in for repairs, having blown out several tires during landing on your mom's inaugural flight.