Soros-Backed District Attorney Prosecutes Illinois Boy For Terrorizing Burglars | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    GROVELAND, IL     Pierce County's District Attorney has opened prosecution against an eight-year-old boy who reportedly terrorized two burglars robbing his parents' mansion.

    The young boy by the name of Kevin McAllister was apparently home alone when the perpetrators attempted to sneak into the estate. McAllister sprang into action with a series of ingenious attacks, including blowtorches, paint cans, and a tarantula. "The child engaged in cruel, vicious behavior that could have seriously injured the two gentlemen known as the 'Wet Bandits' ," said District Attorney Ansel Hayden. "McAllister literally smashed Marv's face with an iron, when Marv wished nothing more than to rob McAllister's family while doing the child serious bodily harm."

    Hayden said the youth's antics involved putting ice on the stairs, heating up doorknobs, and other tactics that put the men in peril. "What has society come to when a child can torture vagabonds just hungry for bread?," wondered Hayden aloud. "I will not allow this county to fall victim to vigilantism."

    At press time, Hayden was preparing to file charges against the neighbor who stopped the kindly 'Wet Bandits' from biting off McAllister's fingers.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Heartless Monster Doesn't Shed Single Tear While Whole Congregation Belts Out 'O Holy Night' Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics 8 times Biden has pushed radical "transgender" agenda on children


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

other pro-terrorist protests in Chicago shout "Death to America" in Farsi
Only two of the so-called “three Johns” will be competing to replace Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) as leader of the Senate GOP.
House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan (R-OH) is looking into whether GoFundMe and Eventbrite cooperated with federal law enforcement during their investigation into the financial transactions of supporters of former President Donald Trump.
Turkish diplomatic sources say he did
Popularity of government leader crashes, even among his own party members.
Wisconsin voters ban private money, nonprofits from the election process after 2020 ‘Zuckerbucks’ controversy; spotlight now on 22 states that still allow it.

HbAD1

6 month old baby fighting for life after mother killed; policewoman finally arrives, shoots knifeman
Far-left Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was mocked online late on Monday after video of her yelling at pro-Palestinian activists went viral.
Daily Wire Editor Emeritus Ben Shapiro, along with hosts Matt Walsh, Andrew Klavan, and company co-founder Jeremy Boreing discussed the state of the 2024 presidential election before President Joe Biden gave his State of the Union address on Thursday.
Lots of elements that have to be dug up with heavy fossil fuel vehicles
Yet again we see the truth in the ole saying, once the camel gets his head under the test ain't no tellin what he will do next

HbAD2

joins West Virginia and Montana in ending Renewable Portfolio standards
good Washington Examiner analysis, but where is RNC on pushing back on this issue?
220 migrants storm border, assault border guards, but all are turned back
. . as feds continue to coverup manifesto of trans shooter at Covenant School
Former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley said this week that the criminal trials against former President Donald Trump should happen before the upcoming elections.
NOAA fabricates temperature data for more than 30 percent of the 1,218 USHCN reporting stations that no longer exist

HbAD3

 
Back to Top