You’re probably making the wrong New Year’s Resolutions, try these instead | Eastern North Carolina Now

Dec 31, 2023

Emma Suttie, writing at the Epoch Times, offers these thoughts on how to handle New Years Resolutions.

New Year’s resolutions seem like a great idea amid the enthusiasm of a new year filled with potential. We want to do better and be better. However, those resolutions are notoriously difficult to keep and most of us fail despite our best intentions.

The average New Year’s resolution lasts only 3.74 months, according to a recent poll by Forbes Health/OnePoll, with only 6 percent of us managing to stick with our resolutions beyond 12 months. (Way to go!)

Resolutions often represent something else we need to “do”—more tasks requiring extra energy that we can barely find for the frenzied activities already demanded by daily living.

What if the failure to achieve New Year’s goals isn’t due to laziness, a lack of discipline, or a failing of moral character, but just poor timing?

Ancient Wisdom for Modern Living

Before communism destroyed traditional Chinese culture, that society revolved around harmonizing with the divine, in part through observing the divine’s manifestation in nature.

“People’s activities should be low-key and strenuous activities should be reduced as much as possible,” Jonathan Liu, a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner, told The Epoch Times.

In winter the earth’s energy pulls inward to consolidate and conserve in preparation for spring, they observed. That concept informs the idea that we should do the same—spending the winter months slowing down, going to bed earlier, getting up later, and conserving energy. Winter is a time to rest and recharge—a natural ending of the seasonal life cycle—a time to reflect on ourselves and the year that has passed. 

That’s partly why we have such a hard time sticking to resolutions such as exercising regularly and starting new projects during the middle of winter. We are simply better suited to starting these types of activities a few months later—in spring—when our entire hemisphere is waking up and pushing forth with growth and activity. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of resolutions we can make in winter that could dramatically improve our lives.

The winter months are a perfect time for introspection. Journaling is a great way to create time for this process and focus your attention on your inner world. (dekazigzag/Shutterstock)

Stress-Free Resolutions for 2024

An ancient Chinese concept that epitomizes the idea of doing less is “wu wei,” a term interpreted in several ways, including non-action, non-doing, and effortless action. Alan Watts, an English philosopher and self-proclaimed “spiritual entertainer,” describes wu wei as the principle of not forcing—in anything you do.

Instead of doing nothing, wu wei is more like going with the flow—not forcing things and simply letting them happen naturally. As Mr. Watts very eloquently puts it: “Wu wei is the art of sailing, rather than the art of rowing.”

A Quick Note on Dopamine

The brain rewards us with a surge of dopamine when it learns that a certain activity is pleasurable to us. Unfortunately, many dopamine-inducing activities have side effects like debt or addiction. Eating fatty sugary foods, for example, can deliver a rush of dopamine—as well as obesity, diabetes, and liver disease.

To rebalance the dopamine-reward system, we need to refrain from dopamine-spiking behaviors for four weeks, Dr. Anna Lembke, a psychiatry professor at Stanford University, told The Epoch Times in a previous interview.

While quitting something cold turkey can be difficult, often just recognizing the urge to do something and restraining ourselves for a few minutes can be enough to break a dopamine push. Keep that in mind as we review these winter-appropriate New Year’s resolutions.

Sleep on Impulse Purchases

Retailers are experts at enticing us to buy and, with the advent of online shopping, a spontaneous purchase is just a click away. We’re no longer limited by geography, store hours, or even selection—if we have an urge for something (anything) in the middle of the night, we can click and have it by morning. We don’t even have to have the money to pay for it—as long as we have room left on the credit card.

Experts routinely advise that the best way to deal with overspending and emotional or compulsive purchasing habits is to do nothing. Simply delay the purchase. Sit with it for a bit. Wait a day or two and see if you still want it as much as you did. Once the dopamine surge of an impending reward wears off, and a calmer mind prevails, you'll likely find it much easier to avoid unnecessary purchasing.

Stall the Scroll Through Social Media

Contrary to popular belief, social media isn’t improving our lives or helping to connect us. Instead, it’s leading to many of us feeling more anxious, depressed, and alone. One 2023 study found that “more time spent on social media was associated with higher levels of loneliness, in particular for people who used social media as a means for maintaining relationships.”

So why do we do it? Social media delivers an odd form of social validation which in turn delivers that surge of dopamine-activated positive feelings. Social media companies exploit this, former Facebook president Sean Parker said in a speech in 2017, according to a report by Engineering and Tech magazine.

“We need to sort of give you a little dopamine hit every once in a while, because someone liked or commented on a photo or a post,” he said.

These little dopamine rushes can add up to an addiction.

“Platforms like Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram leverage the very same neural circuitry used by slot machines and cocaine to keep us using their products as much as possible,” notes an article by researchers at Harvard University. 

For many, thumbing through social media has become an instinctual response to any moment of boredom. Although the platforms’ makers claim the intended purpose is to connect us, they present a curated picture of reality that can spur social comparison and jealousy.

Overuse of social media can interrupt sleep patterns and affect mental health by increasing feelings of depression, anxiety, and isolation, and eroding our ability to engage in real, human relationships.

So the next time you are tempted to see what your friends are doing or who “liked” your latest comment—don’t. This can be a powerful compulsion to resist, so to start, just tell yourself to wait a minute. Then make it 10 minutes. Choose specific times of day to intentionally check social media to break the habit of checking it compulsively. If cold turkey works better for you, post a status update noting you are checking out for a while—and log out.

Try calling that friend and inviting them to lunch, going for a walk outside, or sitting in a hot bath with a cup of your favorite tea and a good book instead. Your mental health will benefit.

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

This resolution pairs well with abstaining from social media since these platforms are a primary source of social comparison.

As we all know, the lives we see on social media, or the new car our neighbor just bought, are not real reflections of how other people are living. Yet, that doesn’t stop us from comparing ourselves to others. Unfortunately, this leads to misery.

Social comparison can sap our sense of self-worth, a study about Facebook users published in Advances in Journalism and Communication notes.

“When Facebook users upward compare themselves with others, it lowers their self-esteem which in turn reduces their life satisfaction,” the study said.

“If we as individuals were aware that constantly comparing ourselves to others is part of a cycle of destructive emotions and behaviors, perhaps we would be less tempted to measure ourselves against other people,” authors note in a 2006 article published in the Journal of Adult Development on social comparison.

Instead, focus on yourself and all the beautiful things in your life. Write them down, and spend some time thinking about them every day. This small act can make significant changes in your perspective and help you appreciate the goodness in your life—and attract more of it.

Skip the Complaints

Once you stop comparing yourself, you may also find you have less to complain about. Of course, you'll still have to overcome the habit of complaint-based conversations. People love to bond over a good gripe.

Our negative outlook is also fed to us by the news, television shows, movies, and social media. These days, people complain about everything. That’s understandable given the tumultuous state of the world, although complaining keeps us in a loop of negativity that’s hard to escape.

The problem with complaining is it keeps us focused on the negative. Such negativity can make it hard to see all the good things in your life, things you might otherwise take for granted.

If you can catch yourself complaining, either out loud or just in your head, you can simply stop that process. If it’s a well-worn pattern, it will probably take some practice. Just see the complaint and let it go.

Our situation in the world is largely a matter of perspective. Focusing on what we lack is a habit worth giving up. (patpitchaya/Shutterstock)

Ditch the Diet and Eat Mindfully

Dieting is a popular New Year’s resolution. As an increasingly obese country, we are understandably obsessed with dieting and losing weight. As a result, we have a complicated relationship with food. One way to shift that perspective is to think of food in the way it was originally intended—as nourishment and medicine. Food sustains us, heals illness, and keeps us healthy so we can avoid disease.

Practice mindful eating. Instead of going on a specific diet, observe what you eat, how you feel as you eat it, and how your food makes you feel after eating it. Note how different foods energize you or leave you feeling heavy, tired, or uncomfortable. 

Pay attention to what you are feeling when you reach for something you deem unhealthy. You may discover certain feelings linked to overeating or snacking on high-calorie, low-nutrient foods like chips and sugary snacks.

Mindless eating, eating out of boredom, or for a pleasurable hit of dopamine, are all key factors in overeating or eating food that doesn’t make us feel well.

When you focus on your food’s smell, taste, and texture—and how it makes you feel—you tend to eat slower and get more satisfaction out of your meal. This can lead to eating less and eating better quality foods.

By eating mindfully, you will also likely chew your food longer, which will improve digestion and help your body extract more nutrients from your food. 

Do Nothing for 15 Minutes a Day

Doing nothing is no more than a delicious prospect for most people—we usually have too many things to do and seemingly never enough time to do them. But, as we are accustomed to living lives of chaos and “busy-ness,” it can be challenging to do nothing—most of us are downright out of practice.

Doing nothing is one of the most beneficial things we can "do" for ourselves. (D. Kucharski K. Kucharska/Shutterstock)

Remember wu wei. In a world where our minds are pulled in every direction in all our waking moments, we seldom get to “just be.” Setting aside 15 minutes each day to quietly sit or stand and do nothing can be a highly beneficial practice for our bodies, minds, and spirits.

At first, doing nothing may feel a little uncomfortable. Your thoughts may enjoy their newfound freedom from tasks (such as work or school) and run wild. With practice, however, your thoughts will calm down, and you’ll begin to enjoy a peace and tranquility you may not have experienced in a while. Maybe ever. (You’re welcome.)

Just Breathe

We often forget the benefits of taking a deep breath—something we may have been advised to do as children when we were overly excited. Many cultures–from the yogis of India to the martial artists of China and Japan—have used the power of the breath for millennia to heal from illness, fortify health, and aid in spiritual pursuits.

There are numerous breathing techniques that can help us calm down, improve anxiety, reduce stress, heal illness, and help us think more clearly.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or frustrated—pause—and take a deep breath (or two), and you will see what a difference it makes in how you feel. Oxygen is your body’s most essential nutrient and due to stress and improper breathing, many of us aren’t getting enough. Nose breathing is especially important, note experts like Patrick McKeown, an internationally renowned breathing coach. If you want to learn more about the power of the breath and some helpful techniques, you can read my previous article “The Often Ignored and Essential Power of the Breath.”

Stop Rejecting Reality

We are a culture that prizes ambition, pushing ever forward in an eternal quest for something more. However, following this philosophy means that, in the relentless pursuit of something you don’t have, there will always be something you want. You will never be happy with the life you are living now.

At a certain level, this mentality of pursuit means you reject reality. You don’t accept the life you have. That may be a healthy response to unhealthy circumstances, but it’s often an unnecessary source of misery. Acceptance leads to contentment—one of the most soothing and calm states we can enjoy.

As Lao Tzu, the Chinese philosopher and author of the Tao Te Ching, famously said: “Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

Final Thoughts

Ushering in a new year doesn’t have to be synonymous with resolutions that add stress to our already stressful lives. Allow yourself to do less. This approach will help you simplify your life and, hopefully, enjoy it more. Next time you feel compelled to take on a new project or say yes to another commitment—stop, take a deep breath, and have a nap instead.