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Emperor Palpatine was said to be very pleased with the latest ballistics report on stormtrooper marksmanship, as the Imperial Army's collective accuracy percentage improved dramatically after adding pistol braces to all blasters.
Published: Friday, September 8th, 2023 @ 8:46 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a massive technological breakthrough, the Galactic Empire has at last developed a door that doesn't simply open when you shoot the control panel with a blaster.
Published: Tuesday, May 30th, 2023 @ 7:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Despite a Christmas haul that included a $250 Marvel-themed "Sanctum Sanctorum" LEGO set, the long-range "NERF Ultra Pharoah Blaster" gun for $50, and an Xbox for $499, the most coveted gift among the children in the Coogan household this year was the wrapping paper tube
Published: Friday, January 6th, 2023 @ 8:34 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Empire recently passed a series of red flag laws designed to help identify individuals who might be a danger to themselves and others. The laws passed the Galactic Senate unanimously with one vote from the Emperor, since he is the Senate.
Published: Monday, July 4th, 2022 @ 1:43 am
By: Babylon Bee
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"When Ethan was knocked out on the ground, his two African-American friends tried to pick up his body ... "
Published: Saturday, June 18th, 2022 @ 3:45 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Emperor Palpatine's office has announced the construction of a bigger and even more powerful Death Star equipped with a 9mm. The Death Star's blast is said to be so powerful it can blow the core out of a planet.
Published: Friday, June 10th, 2022 @ 11:40 am
By: Babylon Bee
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TALLAHASSEE, FL—Gov Ron DeSantis reportedly commanded his security detail to "Execute Order 66" while wearing a stylish black cloak Thursday morning.
Published: Wednesday, May 4th, 2022 @ 11:43 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Elon Musk and a brave band of adventurers snuck aboard the Twitter Death Star to free prisoners located on the space station's detention level, sources with the Galactic Rebellion confirm.
Published: Friday, April 22nd, 2022 @ 2:13 am
By: Babylon Bee
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quite a gift to jihadists and other terrorists
Published: Saturday, November 20th, 2021 @ 4:34 pm
By: John Steed
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