'I'm Elon Musk, I'm Here To Rescue You,' Says Musk While Busting Everyone Out Of Twitter Death Star Detention Level | Beaufort County Now | Elon Musk and a brave band of adventurers snuck aboard the Twitter Death Star to free prisoners located on the space station's detention level, sources with the Galactic Rebellion confirm.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ALDERAAN SYSTEM     Elon Musk and a brave band of adventurers snuck aboard the Twitter Death Star to free prisoners located on the space station's detention level, sources with the Galactic Rebellion confirm.

    Twitter Death Star, which resembles a small moon, was first spotted near the remains of Alderaan, a peaceful planet that was destroyed for believing in only two genders. The space station is equipped with a super blaster powered by kyber crystals, capable of canceling anyone who opposes Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal.

    Musk reportedly disguised himself as a Twitter mod who was escorting a recently suspended free-thinker to a ban chamber. Once inside, he dispatched the guards and then rushed for the nearest cell to free the prisoner inside.

    "Aren't you a little short for a Twitter mod? Everyone says so," said a grizzled Trump.

    "Huh? OHhhh the uniform!" Musk removed his helmet. "I'm Elon Musk, I'm here to rescue you!"

    "Who? Oh, you're the guy that does rockets. That's great. Really terrific."

    According to sources, Musk was able to free Trump, The Babylon Bee, Juanita Broderick, Alex Jones, Charlie Kirk, Tucker Carlson, and even some Rodians. However, during their daring escape, Trump was killed in a trash compactor while trying to post on Truth Social.

    Musk and the Twitter prisoners reportedly escaped abord a SpaceX Starship. With Twitter Death Star in his rearview mirror, Musk vowed to either buy the deadly space station or destroy it.

    "Why not both?" he mused to himself.
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

U.S. airlines facing a pilot shortage are considering measures that would make it easier to get pilots trained faster, including halving the number of flight hours needed to become a pilot.
A recent study has audited Joe Biden's Twitter followers to determine whether or not they are in fact real followers. The results have left the world stunned as everyone discovered half of his followers are somehow real people.
CNN host Don Lemon’s attorney has sent a letter to Megyn Kelly for doing what CNN and other media outlets have done for decades: Invite people on to discuss their sexual misconduct accusations against public figures.
In a touching moment of clarity this week, personnel from the Department of Homeland Security Disinformation Governance Board realized that the true disinformation they've been looking for was inside them all along.
A new N.C. House bill would expand administrative law judges' ability to kill state government rules.
As thousands of small businesses were forced to close for good as a result of his economic lockdowns, Gov. Cooper’s administration handed out $1.2 billion worth of corporate welfare to giant corporations like Apple, FujiFilm, and Toyota in 2021.
Sounds like a campaign speech to us
Multiple briefs filed Friday ask the U.S. Supreme Court not to take up a redistricting case from North Carolina.

HbAD1

The Elite Media only reports what fits their narrative
Shows why teachers should be encouraged to concealed carry
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In its first big win since the inauguration in 2021, the Biden Administration announced that the Disinformation Governance Board has narrowly outlasted failed subscription program CNN+.
At least two people are dead and more than 40 have been injured in a powerful tornado that ripped through northern Michigan Friday night.
The Bible is God's grand message to mankind. It leads us to Christ and and gives us everything we need to be complete, equipped for every good work.

HbAD2

Uvade may have turned out differently if armed officer had been present
A Democratic state representative from Raleigh proposes a statewide ban on transporting dogs in open vehicle beds and cargo areas.
Updating the press on the baby formula shortage that's affecting millions of American families, Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre (black, gay, immigrant) stated that all blame for the shortage rested squarely on the curly locks of the giant baby from Honey, I Blew Up The Kid.
Powerful U.S. artillery pieces have started to arrive in Ukraine that offer the country’s military the opportunity to outgun Russia’s military as the new equipment can outreach the capability of Russia’s military by several miles.
As the baby formula crisis continues to grow, more families have opted for an alternative formula source and have started taking whey protein instead. The babies will still get everything they need for healthy development, as well as 50grams of protein per bottle.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top