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He promised to "investigate and hold public hearings on hospitals that deny trans youth their rightful healthcare and hold them accountable."
Published: Monday, June 30th, 2025 @ 7:00 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Critics are raving after First Lady Dr. Jill Biden shared a delightful video of a charming White House Christmas dance performed by none other than the twin girls from The Shining.
Published: Monday, February 26th, 2024 @ 8:31 am
By: Babylon Bee
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It has come to our attention that the delightfully witty satirists of The Washington Post are going on strike this week. We here at The Babylon Bee stand in solidarity with our fellow comedians and join them in demanding fair wages.
Published: Friday, February 16th, 2024 @ 1:14 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Mayor Lori Lightfoot sent shivers down the spines of Chicagoans as she revealed her spine-tingling costume: none other than herself. The city was left stunned and slightly perplexed as the mayor emerged in what can only be described as the most bone-chilling Halloween costume
Published: Saturday, December 23rd, 2023 @ 9:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot (D) is begging Texas Governor Greg Abbott to not send any more illegal aliens to the Windy City — despite the fact that just two years ago she signed measures “strengthening” Chicago’s status as a sanctuary city.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 1:11 am
By: Daily Wire
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CAMBRIDGE, MA — As institutions for higher education search for new ways to expand the skills and knowledge offered to students, Harvard University has announced its new instructor, former Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot, will be teaching a class
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 4:10 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local toddler Max Hansen worked tirelessly throughout the afternoon Thursday to empty every single item out of every single drawer and cupboard so his tired, overworked mom didn't have to.
Published: Saturday, November 11th, 2023 @ 8:36 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Former Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot has begun lecturing Harvard University students on the importance of catching "raw, wriggly, delicious fishes so tasty sweet, yes good precious" amid sharp political divisions, and rising misinformation.
Published: Friday, November 10th, 2023 @ 5:28 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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With mortgage interest rates continuing to climb and home ownership increasingly out of reach for many Americans, President Joe Biden offered insightful financial advice to anyone struggling to buy a house in the current economic climate
Published: Monday, October 16th, 2023 @ 6:49 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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More Than $108 Million Returned to Rightful Owners in FY 2022-23
Published: Tuesday, October 3rd, 2023 @ 12:14 am
By: ENC NOW
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Chicago’s new Mayor Brandon Johnson might actually be worse than his predecessor Lori Lightfoot. At least she provided comic relief as the city went into decay. With Johnson, all you get is a lecture about the importance of policing speech, not the streets.
Published: Sunday, August 27th, 2023 @ 8:53 am
By: Daily Wire
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Vice President Kamala Harris was honored with an honorary degree from America's premier clown college Wednesday for her hard work clowning around the nation's capital. Harris joins a pantheon of great American clowns such as Lori Lightfoot and John Wayne Gacy.
Published: Wednesday, June 14th, 2023 @ 5:24 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Watchers of the popular daytime talk program The View were treated to more insightful commentary on global issues this week
Published: Thursday, May 18th, 2023 @ 5:35 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Legendary Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot, famous for songs including “If You Could Read My Mind,” “Sundown,” “Carefree Highway,” and “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald,” has died at the age of 84.
Published: Thursday, May 4th, 2023 @ 7:13 am
By: Daily Wire
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Cook County Commissioner Brandon Johnson was elected on Tuesday as the next mayor of Chicago, defeating moderate rival and former Chicago Public Schools CEO Paul Vallas to succeed the incumbent Lori Lightfoot.
Published: Sunday, April 9th, 2023 @ 5:13 pm
By: Daily Wire
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In the wake of her stinging defeat in Chicago’s mayoral election, Mayor Lori Lightfoot once again cited her race and gender to complain.
Published: Friday, March 10th, 2023 @ 1:58 pm
By: Daily Wire
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After Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot failed to win reelection, city officials honored her legacy of skyrocketing crime rates with a 21-murder salute.
Published: Monday, March 6th, 2023 @ 10:30 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot lost her bid for reelection this week in what Lightfoot and other critics are calling a blatant example of the rampant murderphobia that still exists among residents of the city.
Published: Sunday, March 5th, 2023 @ 11:47 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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After suffering a humiliating defeat in Chicago's mayoral election, Lori Lightfoot blamed her stunning loss on "those tricksy hobbitses."
Published: Saturday, March 4th, 2023 @ 11:24 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot was slammed after video showed her dancing in the street in Chicago’s Lunar New Year parade Sunday.
Published: Wednesday, February 8th, 2023 @ 11:19 am
By: Daily Wire
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The North Carolina Department of Transportation has replenished the state’s Highway Trust Fund (HTF) with $1.1 billion — two years ahead of schedule.
Published: Monday, February 6th, 2023 @ 12:22 pm
By: Carolina Journal
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While at the World Economic Forum, rightful President Al Gore delivered a stern warning on climate change, saying the world will not make it past the year 2012 if something isn't done immediately.
Published: Thursday, January 26th, 2023 @ 8:57 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Job, famed tycoon of sheep, camels, oxen, and donkeys, has fallen upon hard times, losing much of his fortune and all his children in a single day, as well as being stricken with painful boils.
Published: Monday, January 16th, 2023 @ 8:34 am
By: Babylon Bee
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We welcome the opportunity to engage in a factual, thoughtful and transparent review of the State Health Plan’s contracting process for third party administration services going into effect two years from now.
Published: Sunday, January 15th, 2023 @ 10:33 pm
By: ENC NOW
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Colorado Gov. Jared Polis has agreed to stop busing migrants to New York City or Chicago following a letter from New York City Mayor Eric Adams and Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot demanding an end to the practice.
Published: Thursday, January 12th, 2023 @ 10:13 am
By: Daily Wire
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After a week of grueling votes for Speaker of the House — 15 in total — Kevin McCarthy was finally handed the people's gavel and took his rightful place as Speaker.
Published: Tuesday, January 10th, 2023 @ 1:46 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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We asked twelve conservative celebrities what their New Year's resolutions are. Several of them asked us how we got into their homes in the first place, but all of them gave us a thoughtful answer as we were being escorted out by security. Here's what they said:
Published: Friday, January 6th, 2023 @ 1:00 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Former Rightful-President Hillary Clinton has been awarded an honorary medical license by the Canadian Minister of Health due to her decades of experience providing dignified euthanasia services to men and women in America.
Published: Thursday, December 15th, 2022 @ 11:26 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local couple is in shock today after a startling visit from Rightful Georgia Governor® Stacey Abrams. According to sources, the couple was listening to the heartbeat of their child on a sonogram for the very first time when Abrams burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man
Published: Monday, December 12th, 2022 @ 12:18 am
By: Babylon Bee
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There’s a straightforward solution that the Biden administration could enact in order to alleviate the nation’s ongoing energy crisis.
Published: Wednesday, December 7th, 2022 @ 3:50 am
By: Daily Wire
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Polk County, Florida, Sheriff Grady Judd offered some straightforward advice to residents whose homes or businesses were looted in the aftermath of Hurricane Ian: “You take your gun and you shoot him, you shoot him so that he looks like grated cheese.”
Published: Wednesday, November 9th, 2022 @ 8:32 pm
By: Daily Wire
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In a boost for morale, Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot (D) is shelling out $5,000 for the winner of a city-wide karaoke contest. The prize comes as crime is surging in the Windy City.
Published: Monday, November 7th, 2022 @ 7:53 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Lori Lightfoot and J.B. Pritzker created a very expensive enemy.
Published: Wednesday, November 2nd, 2022 @ 11:12 pm
By: Daily Wire
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As a special public service for his fellow citizens, a local man has taken it upon himself to crank his car stereo as loud as possible at stoplights so that everyone within a three-mile radius can hear every nuance of his refined musical tastes.
Published: Monday, October 10th, 2022 @ 3:08 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Batman has finally been forced to hang up his cape and abandon his beloved city as the crime rate continues to soar under Democrat leadership. Following the election of another democrat, Mayor Tori Tightfoot, Batman has decided he just can't keep up with the crime anymore.
Published: Wednesday, October 5th, 2022 @ 6:27 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Rightful Governor of Georgia Stacey Abrams announced that she will succeed Elizabeth II as the Queen of England only moments after the announcement of the Queen's death.
Published: Friday, September 30th, 2022 @ 12:54 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Greetings, human! It has been some time since we've seen each other or interacted in any way. Therefore, as I have been thoughtful enough to grace you with my presence on this fine afternoon, I should think you'd be delighted to give me all of your love and affection.
Published: Monday, September 26th, 2022 @ 1:40 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a speech tonight, Joe Biden condemned fascism and extremism while also debuting a delightful little mustachioed look.
Published: Friday, September 9th, 2022 @ 11:52 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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One does not have to look inside the machines in order to know whether votes are being manipulated. It can be determined by a thoughtful examination of CAST VOTE RECORDS, they informed us.
Published: Thursday, August 25th, 2022 @ 2:29 pm
By: Raynor James
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After finding herself unnecessarily upset about a thoughtful critique from her husband regarding her shoe collection and a dearth of closet space, dutiful wife Clarissa Zwygart was able to calm down after her husband wisely counseled her to calm down.
Published: Friday, August 5th, 2022 @ 5:33 am
By: Babylon Bee
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No longer the "friendly opposition", the Liberal "ying" to the more studious, more insightful "yang"; no, not the least bit worthy of existing any longer as reasonable opposition.
Published: Sunday, July 24th, 2022 @ 1:57 pm
By: Stan Deatherage
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