How To Get Elected President Of The United States | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: Alex J. Ortolano is a former U.S. Army Medical Evacuation Helicopter Pilot in Vietnam and now a patient observer of life, and the rest of us, who act act as Alex's muses.

    We are please to announce that you will be able to find Alex here at BCN or at his blogspot here.

         •  In the early months of the year before the actual election, Dudley Do Right announces his candidacy for President of the United States.

         •  Hardly anyone pays attention except lots of articles are written telling the voting public that no one is paying attention.

         •  Dudley works very hard to get the voting public to pay attention to him.

         •  One day his campaign catches fire & he starts moving up in the polls.

         •  Land O Goshen! all of a sudden the voting public pays attention & Dudley is declared The Front Runner!

         •  The next day the attacks start & the voting public is told that he is an awful person, he did awful things in grammar school, he was not popular in high school, he was seen by an unnamed source jumping over a turnstile in the New York City subway, he dipped Peggy Sue's pig tail in the ink well on his desk on multiple occasions & one time he stole a Twinkie for a convenience store.

         •  The next day he loses his Front Runner Designation either because he vehemently defends himself which we are told proves he is guilty or because he says nothing which we are told proves he is guilty.

    Oh yea, back to the Subject of this Foolishness, I need to tell you How To Get Elected President Of The United States...

         •  Wait till 2 days before the election itself to announce your candidacy.

         •  Hope to catch fire the next day.

         •  Get elected the next day before the news media finds out about Peggy Sue.

    There you are! You are now the most powerful man in the world. You are smart. People step aside as you approach & stare admiringly as you walk by. You are POTUS!

    Would I kid u?

    Smartfella