This Is Sure To Work! | Eastern North Carolina Now

    America has to do something about its Health Care System. Medicare & Medicare are costing us too much money! The main reason why spending is out of control (aside from Waste, Theft & Fraud) is that Americans Are Living Too Long.

    These well intentioned programs are far exceeding the estimated annual expenditures Lyndon Johnson calculated when he came up with his Great Society Programs.

    We should not be too quick to blame ole Lyndon. He had to do all his calculating on a piece of paper with a pencil because he was president before the handheld calculator & computers had become an integral part of everything we do. He did the best he could with what he had to work with.

    The Fella, however, is not one to spend a lot of time fixing blame. He is more pro-active and has accepted the present situation as fact. He has come up with a Sure Fire Fix to reduce American Longevity. The Federal Government should begin taking the following actions immediately...

    • Start requiring all Americans, beginning at age 15, to become Heavy Smokers.
    • Assign a bureaucrat to stand by the dinner table of every American who has been designated as "Health Conscious" to add conspicuous amounts of salt to everything they eat.
    • Stop all forms of exercise.
    • Close all Health Studios.
    • Have all government employees be on the lookout for any unpatriotic individual they see trying to exercise in secret by doing things like ... Jogging Around the Block, Jogging in Place, Jumping Up and Down, Getting Off the TV Couch More Than Once Per Hour, Twiddling Their Thumbs, etc.
    • Disband all Professional/College/High School Sports Programs.
    • All Health Food Sections should be removed from our grocery stores.
    • By law Preventive Medicine should no longer be allowed.
    • Subliminal Advertising ought to be a part of every movie coming out of Hollywood. The subliminal message should be: "Staying Healthy Is Enough To Kill You".

    There was a time when the SmartFella was of a mind to believe that the Fast Food Industry we are addicted to would have been enough to keep us from living too long. It is time to admit that the Herculean Effort by the Fast Food Industry to kill us by selling us their unhealthy, cholesterol filled, fat leavened, sugary and sodium heavy foods has not done the job.

    While their efforts are commendable, it is obviously not enough. We have got to do something more drastic to address this pressing issue. The SmartFella plan of action above is the way to go...Or Is It?

    Would I kid u?
    Smartfella