Top 10 Benefits Of Putting All Your Money Into Gold | Beaufort County Now | Enjoy eating food? Like having a healthy family? Then you'd better drop all your money into gold right now!

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Enjoy eating food? Like having a healthy family? Then you'd better drop all your money into gold right now!

    Still not convinced? Check out these amazing benefits:

    1) As far as we know, the Federal Reserve hasn't figured out how to print gold yet: Which means they won't be able to crater its value.

    2) It's shiny: And yellow-ish!

    3) You'll be able to get James Bond's autograph before you cut him in half with a laser: Make sure to get his autograph before attempting to kill him.

    4) When it's time to withdraw your retirement, the bank will put it in a complimentary pirate's chest: Neat!

    5) You can use the word "doubloons", which is an awesome word: You'll be the envy of all your friends.

    6) Impress your date after an expensive dinner when you drop a gold brick on the table and say "I think that should cover it": Nice power move.

    7) Can melt down and mold into an image of a calf to worship: You'll be the coolest guy at your impromptu wilderness party.

    8) Forge a ring into which you pour your cruelty, malice, and will to dominate all life: With enough effort, you can turn into a giant flaming eyeball.

    9) Can bury it in the backyard then forget where you buried it and on your deathbed whisper "there's a gold bar somewhere in the backyard" and make your kids regret selling your house and moving you into a nursing home: Classic!

    10) Ron Paul said so: He's been right about so many things. It'd be a mistake to ignore him now.
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Have you heard the latest? Uncle Joe is attempting to appropriate billions of dollars to a program designed to mandate that CRT is taught across the nation in OUR public schools.
Saule Omarova, Democrat President Joe Biden’s nominee for comptroller of the currency, has withdrawn her name from consideration for the position after facing increasing opposition to nomination over allegations that she was a Marxist.
The Federal Reserve announced an increase in interest rates Wednesday afternoon, boosting the cost of borrowing money by 0.75%, the largest increase in a single meeting in nearly 30 years.
Clarence Thomas tells us what we need to be working toward
Politicians in Washington are growing increasingly nervous, as the CDC has announced they have discovered the first case of Lizardpox on American shores.
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said on Sunday that suspending gas taxes is “certainly worth considering” amid rising energy prices.
Australia reportedly will not send officials to the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing, China, in response to the communist nation’s genocide against religious minorities.
To what extent can a selective educational institution advantage certain racial groups in admissions decisions without discriminating against other groups simultaneously?
Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen on Sunday blamed global factors for Americans’ spiraling purchasing power and declared a recession is “not at all inevitable,” despite a growing consensus the U.S. could soon find out one is already underway.

HbAD1

With the price of food skyrocketing and the value of Bitcoin plummeting, McDonald's restaurants across the world have rolled out a new value menu in which all items cost only 1 Bitcoin.
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) slammed President Joe Biden during a speech on the Senate floor Tuesday over the unfolding crisis in Ukraine. Tens of thousands of Russian soldiers have been amassing near its border in what experts warn might be a prelude to an invasion.
The North Carolina State Health Plan and the National Academy for State Health Policy Find that North Carolina's Dominant Hospital Systems Recorded Billions of Dollars in Profits After Taking Taxpayer-Funded COVID Relief
Governor Ron DeSantis (R-FL) got some unexpected praise late this week from media personality Bill Maher, who insisted that DeSantis would be better than former President Donald Trump.
Milestone Air Quality Legislation Paved Way for Significant Environmental and Clean Energy Efforts
White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki took a shot at Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) during Tuesday’s press briefing over remarks that Ocasio-Cortez made about organized retail theft incidents that have plagued several major Democrat-controlled cities in recent weeks.
The United States of America has edged closer and closer to the Leftist maxim of "Abortion on Demand" whenever it is demanded, by whomever demands it, but now that ease of operation to alleviate oneself of that nagging little problem has come to a screeching halt.

HbAD2

 
Back to Top