21 Greatest Benefits Of Becoming A Dad

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In the shadow of the political assassination of Charlie Kirk, founder of Turning USA, a stain now exists upon our nation's collective conscious, a condition that must be excised, or our nation will not function properly as one of a self-governed people. Understanding these long standing truths: What would you suggest as a quick, and, or proper corrective measure?

20% Destroy the Fascist Donald Trump and all of MAGA, because America must never be Great Again.

80% Our self-governed people, and their properly restored institutions, under President Trump, must discover the root causes to properly correct, and save our Constitutional Republic.

0% I thought we had to shut down Free Speech we don't like to save our "democracy," so I am totally confused now.

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Published: Tuesday, July 5th, 2022 @ 4:43 pm
By: Babylon Bee ( More Entries )

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Fathers are the forgotten heroes of this world. Mothers get all the glory (and with good reason!) but there are still some great benefits to being a dad. For example, free hugs whenever you want!

    Here are more great benefits for your consideration:

Each one has a small chance of becoming a rock star or incredible athlete and you'll never have to work again.
You can wear cargo shorts and white New Balance sneakers just like you always wanted to.
Every year your children will pay you tribute with the finest artisan macaroni art and a fresh pack of socks.
You can finally own a puppy against your will.
Have you ever wanted to read the same short book 10,000 times? Now you can!
Does your wife hate your jokes? The kids won't.
You have an excuse to play through all your old favorite video games.
You get to implement a dad tax on all Halloween candy.
You can have in-depth conversations about what the best dinosaur is.
You'll feel like a warrior king as you defeat all of them simultaneously in a wrestling match.
You're the smartest person alive for 11 years, then "a total drag" for 7, then the smartest person alive again.
Have you ever wanted to be a horsey? Boy, will you be in heaven!
You have your own personal chiropractor as your kids jump all over your back.
You can introduce them to your favorite childhood movies only for them to say, "This is boring."
You can pawn off the chores your wife gave you onto the kids.
You get to buy a full arsenal of Nerf guns "for the kids."
Have 3 kids to make a full squad in Call of Duty: Warzone, 5 kids to have your own D&D party, or 18 and you can play baseball in the backyard!
Several little creatures will think you are a god at Super Smash Bros.
You can stack three of them up in a trench coat to cause various mischiefs.
Watching your 3-year-old daughter run across the lawn in a dress carrying a doll will make you believe in the goodness of God.
They will turn your pathetic, self-centered little life into one full of beauty and meaning.

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