Sharpie Scores Huge Endorsement Deal With FBI | Eastern North Carolina Now | After a standout performance in the FBI's latest work, Sharpie has landed a huge endorsement deal as the preferred highlighter of America's federal agents.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

Publisher's Note: This series of posts on this one issue - The Unprecedented FBI Raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago Estate - can all be found here on ENC NOW.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     After a standout performance in the FBI's latest work, Sharpie has landed a huge endorsement deal as the preferred highlighter of America's federal agents.

    "We couldn't do our job protecting America without the incredible permanent markers made by Sharpie," said FBI Director Christopher Wray. "From helping us black out coverage of Hunter's laptop, to hiding how we acted as a tool for Democrats to investigate fabricated 'Russian collusion' charges - Sharpie has been there every step of the way."

    Experts now estimate that blacking out words with marker comprises about 87% of what federal agents do. In lieu of practicing for hostage situations, the FBI has agents-in-training sit in small cubicles and practice blacking out words for several hours per day. "Not everyone has what it takes to be a federal agent," said Director Wray. "You have to possess the fortitude to spend hour after hour, days at a time, just blacking out reports. It's mind-numbingly boring. Plus, we really like the lines to be straight. It takes a special talent."

    With the FBI being its biggest customer by far, Sharpie executives said the endorsement deal was a no-brainer. "We can barely keep up production with the pace the Bureau goes through markers these days," said Sharpie CEO Stan Wiggins. "This relationship really solidifies that when the professionals want to cover their tracks, they trust Sharpie. So if people at home find themselves having encouraged a mass shooter and need their name expunged - we hope they will trust Sharpie as well."

    The FBI did admit they are struggling to get agents to remember to stop blacking out everything when they leak classified documents to the New York Times.

poll#154
Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?
  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.
  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.
  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.
826 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?


poll#145
After one full year of the Biden /Harris Administration: Does Joe Biden have the intellectual capacity, and, or the energy to lead the United States of America through the mess that he predominately created ... in just one year?
  Yes
  No
  Unsure
645 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?


poll#157
Was it a judicious ploy for Joe Biden's FBI to execute the unprecedented raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate?
  Yes; the Cheneys despise this former Republican president, and for good reason ... so they say.
  No; never has a former president been treated with this level of vindictive abuse by those temporarily in power.
  Who cares? It's Trump.
594 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




America Needs Better Teachers Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Joel Osteen Releases New Edition Of Bible With All Words Redacted


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

"...everything that defines us is now an enemy for those who would like us to no longer have an identity and to simply be perfect consumer slaves."
During a camping retreat this week to recharge for more rioting before, during, and after the midterm elections, a group of progressives sat around a campfire and enjoyed swapping scary stories about climate change.
Mortgage rates are approaching 7% as the housing market continues to experience turmoil.
According to a Reuters report, tweets soliciting child sex abuse material have appeared alongside or on profile pages of at least 30 major advertisers’ Twitter accounts. Some of those companies are now pulling their ad services off the social media platform.

HbAD1

‘Gravest technological threat’ to liberty
A local couple is in shock today after a startling visit from Rightful Georgia Governor® Stacey Abrams. According to sources, the couple was listening to the heartbeat of their child on a sonogram for the very first time when Abrams burst through the wall like the Kool-Aid man
Have you ever seen former New England Patriots star Julian Edelman’s unbelievable catch as part of the team’s 25-point comeback in Super Bowl 51? It undoubtedly took “great skill” and “good luck” — thanks, in large part, to his years of practice and determination.
Earlier this year, I wrote how former congressman and Trump administration chief of staff Mark Meadows may have committed voter registration fraud in North Carolina.
“The Chosen” creator Dallas Jenkins recently spoke to The Daily Wire about the uses of social media and if he thinks Jesus would’ve used it, had it been available in first century Galilee, to spread his message.
Matt Walsh is once again stirring up controversy after he shared pictures of Nazi death camps on his Twitter account with the words "We must never let this kind of evil happen ever again."

HbAD2

More than 2.5 million businesses and homes in Florida were left without power in the aftermath of Hurricane Ian on Thursday morning as utility companies work to repair the state’s electrical grid.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top