12 Genius Ways For Congress To Pay Off The $31 Trillion National Debt | Eastern North Carolina Now | America's national debt just passed $31 trillion for the first time in history. Yikes! Don't worry though, we at The Babylon Bee have a few brilliant money-raising ideas up our sleeves that Congress probably hasn't heard of yet.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    America's national debt just passed $31 trillion for the first time in history. Yikes! Don't worry though, we at The Babylon Bee have a few brilliant money-raising ideas up our sleeves that Congress probably hasn't heard of yet.

    You're welcome, America!

  1. Burn down the Lincoln Memorial for the insurance money: A foolproof plan.
  2. Sell the moon to China for $31 trillion: Maybe throw in California for good measure. Nobody will miss it!
  3. Two words: BAKE SALE! If we sell around 10 trillion brownies, we'll have that debt licked in no time! And we hear Ted Cruz makes a mean brownie.
  4. Get Russia to invade us and watch the aid money roll in: The surest way to untold riches!
  5. Ask every American to sell just one kidney: True patriots will sell both!
  6. Have Nancy Pelosi skip Starbucks and make her own coffee at home for the next 31 trillion days: We assume she'll continue to live at least that long.
  7. Take out a reverse mortgage on Alaska: Most countries do this sort of thing toward the end of their lives.
  8. Make the FBI raise extra cash by delivering pizza on their way to raid Trump supporters: Those armored assault trucks are great at keeping pizza really hot.
  9. Have Biden ask Hunter to ask his Chinese employers to forgive the debt: Pretty please?
  10. Have Janet Yellen marry Tom Brady and then divorce him to take half his money: Come on Tom, take one for the team!
  11. Print 31 trillion more dollars: Wait - isn't this what we're already doing?
  12. Stop spending more money than we have: No wait, that would be crazy. Never mind.

    If you know someone in Congress, be sure to share these genius tips with them! We've GOT this, folks!
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Pfizer Announces FDA Approval Of Hurricane Vaccine Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Man Has Bizarre Fetish For A Committed, Loving Relationship With One Woman In Marriage


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Twitter CEO Elon Musk said Monday that he will soon be releasing files on how the social media platform has engaged in suppressing free speech.
In the age of wokeness, ideological (re)education trumps mission-preparedness.
A new book alleges that after Ted Kennedy left his car and his passenger, Mary Jo Kopechne, in a pond off of Chappaquiddick Island, where Kopechne drowned, he returned to the party they had attended and told his close friends he wanted to say Kopechne was driving the car.
Hawaii’s largest active volcano began erupting Sunday night, with lava flow warnings issued to the surrounding area.
Apple CEO Tim Cook confirmed this morning that he's prepared to remove the Twitter app from the App Store but that he's waiting for orders from CCP President Xi before he makes a move.
A wave of Twitter users began impersonating government officials and major corporations after Elon Musk introduced a new scheme for verifying users on the platform.
In a dramatic ruling issued just days before midterm elections, the North Carolina Supreme Court upheld a lower court’s ruling and ordered the transfer of millions of dollars to pay for a school improvement plan designed to ensure North Carolina’s school children receive a sound basic education
Chest reconstruction surgeries performed on minors across the United States increased by approximately 400% during a three-year span, according to a new report.
bill would subsidize MSM, leave out conservative media

HbAD1

Christine McVie, the English singer-songwriter who helped launch the rock band Fleetwood Mac into international fame, has died. She was 79.
Research suggests that certain octopuses deliberately throw objects like silt, sand, and shells at other octopuses.
Balenciaga is facing a wave of online criticism after a MyPillow pillow was spotted in the background of one of the company's photo shoots for its winter collection. The CEO of MyPillow Mike Lindell is known for his strong support of Donald Trump.
Charges against the CEO of an election technology company have been dismissed after Los Angeles County prosecutors found “potential bias” in an investigation.
Twitter CEO Musk promises, 'Twitter 2.0 will be far more effective, transparent and even-handed'
Actor Ralph Fiennes made it clear that he stood with “Harry Potter” creator J.K. Rowling, decrying the verbal abuse directed at her in recent months as “appalling” and “disgusting.”
Until the last weeks of the election, polls consistently showed Republican U.S. Rep. Ted Budd and Democrat former state Supreme Court Chief Justice Cheri Beasley in a dead heat for North Carolina’s open U.S. Senate seat

HbAD2

Twitter employees circulated a list of demands on Monday, calling on billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk to address their concerns when he completes his purchase of the social media platform.
According to sources, thousands of right-wing, anti-science extremists have converged in Shanghai to protest Chinese President Xi's common sense COVID restrictions.
A video of a young Meta employee enjoying company perks and not appearing to do much work has gone viral and drawn online mockery just as company founder Mark Zuckerberg faces pressure from investors to cut headcount.
Not talking reindeer games here. Talking about the political gamesmanship already beginning in the congress.
"Rep. Flores’ Extreme MAGA values and their attacks on Latinos and our nation’s democracy on January 6 do not align with CHC values."
One third of farms will have to drastically reduce fertilizer use, cutting yields
follows West Virginia and Louisiana in moving funds from Blackrock over ESG

HbAD3

 
Back to Top