Man Becomes Missionary To Remote African Village So He Doesn’t Have To Share Gospel With Coworker Brad | Eastern North Carolina Now | Rather than going through the unmitigated awkwardness of sharing the gospel with his coworker Brad, local man Dave Cannon has instead quit his job and become a missionary to a remote village in Africa.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    PEORIA, IL     Rather than going through the unmitigated awkwardness of sharing the gospel with his coworker Brad, local man Dave Cannon has instead quit his job and become a missionary to a remote village in Africa.

    "Look, I knew how offended he would be, and it would have been so weird at the office," explained Mr. Cannon. "So, I gladly gave up all my worldly possessions and travelled across the ocean to share with everyone I meet how Jesus has saved me - just not with Brad."

    Like most humans, Mr. Cannon found the idea of talking about Jesus to a neighbor or co-worker infinitely more terrifying than talking to someone from a tribe he's never encountered. "Neighbors are so scary," said Mr. Cannon as he threw a viper out of his mosquito net. "Once you actually engage in that first real conversation, there's no going back to the days of waving as you close the garage door. You never know what you might have just signed up for, and then you're stuck forever. I'll take my chances with malaria, thank you very much."

    Mr. Cannon had reportedly tried on a couple of occasions to at least broach the topic of church, but ended up chickening out like a total wimp. "My heart would start racing just at the thought of telling Brad what I actually do on Sunday," said Mr. Cannon. "I would feel the Holy Spirit pushing me to simply be open with Brad about how God has changed me. And in response, I sold my house and moved to Zambia. I think I made the right call."

    At publishing time, Mr. Cannon had finished reading about Jonah and decided to go back home to tell Brad about Jesus before the Lord chucked him into the ocean to be swallowed by a huge freaking fish.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Heated Monopoly Game Night Turns Into Murder Mystery Night Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics What's happened to Tandy Dunn


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

According to reports from across the country, the number of individuals in the country who are libertarian and libertarian-curious is declining. Experts attribute this decline to the rise of "drag queen story hour."
Pfizer is planning to quadruple the price of its COVID vaccine as the federal government’s program to purchase the doses comes to a close.
Today the North Carolina Department of Commerce released September county-level unemployment data for the state, revealing a decrease in unemployment rates for 99 of North Carolina’s 100 counties. Only Warren County saw an increase in its unemployment rate.
The number of active duty military suicides decreased last year, according to a Department of Defense (DOD) report issued Thursday.
According to sources, a kindly middle-aged father began bullying his family during a casual game of Mario Kart 8 Deluxe this week. Police were called to the scene after a neighbor became distressed over the sound of wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the family's home.
TikTok’s parent company in China reportedly planned to use the platform to track the location of specific American citizens.

HbAD1

As of Halloween morning, 1,160,747 ballots have been accepted in the N.C. 2022 midterms, and Democrats are seeing a 3.54% reduction in their usual early-voting advantage.
A fellow “briefcase girl” from the show “Deal or No Deal” suggested that Meghan Markle lied when she claimed that the show provided “stations” where various “briefcase girls” could have their bras stuffed.
Billionaire Elon Musk will reportedly gut Twitter with massive cuts when he takes over, getting rid of the overwhelming majority of the company.
Your family may say they want you over for Thanksgiving because they love you, but it's obviously a trap. They're going to ambush you with alternative facts that make Biden look bad.
Former President Donald Trump said he did not “see any reason” to return to Twitter shortly before new CEO Elon Musk reinstated his account on the social media platform on Saturday.
Former Republican Speaker of the House Paul Ryan called himself a “never-again-Trumper” and blamed former President Donald Trump for the GOP’s lackluster performance in the midterm elections.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (R) laid out the roadmap this weekend for Republicans to dominate politically in the coming years following Republicans’ blowout wins earlier this month in the midterm elections.
This week, a listing appeared on the classified advertising website Craigslist offering to sell a "lightly used" social network for "$5 OBO." The listing included a picture of Twitter's HQ in San Francisco.
Leftists raged Saturday evening after Twitter CEO Elon Musk reinstated former President Donald Trump’s Twitter account despite Trump repeatedly stating that he would not use the platform again.

HbAD2

On this week’s Policy Pizza, Jon Sanders introduces us to his latest work as well as what’s happening at the John Locke Foundation’s Center for Food, Power, and Life.
The persecution of Christians in at least 18 countries throughout the world has been increasing, according to a new report.
We all know Thanksgiving is a time of family and delicious food, but is your Thanksgiving historically accurate?
Arizona’s attorney general’s office ordered Maricopa County officials to submit a report on its botched handling of the November 8 election that led to Democratic gubernatorial candidate Katie Hobbs’ apparent victory over Republican Kari Lake
Former Attorney General William Barr told PBS in an interview this week that he believes that the Department of Justice (DOJ) has a legitimate criminal case against former President Donald Trump.
The U.S. Supreme Court heard more than 2 1/2 hours of oral argument Monday in a case challenging race-based admissions at UNC-Chapel Hill.
New Twitter CEO Elon Musk announced Saturday evening that he will reinstate former President Donald Trump’s Twitter account despite Trump having repeatedly stated that he will not use the platform again.
The U.S. Military responded to North Korea’s latest ballistic missile launches this week by conducting separate military drills using supersonic bombers with both South Korea and Japan.
Celebration descended into disaster today when what began as a meal of thanksgiving for bountiful blessings erupted into anger due to an attendee wearing a hat emblazoned with the words "Make America Great Someday."

HbAD3

 
Back to Top