EXPOSED: 23 Foods And How Ron DeSantis Eats Them | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Florida Governor and presumptive 2024 Presidential candidate Ron DeSantis has faced increasing questions about his electability amid damning allegations that during a private flight in 2019, he found himself without a spoon and still proceeded to consume a pudding cup with 3 fingers. Horrifying!

    Here are 23 newly revealed DeSantis eating habits that may spell doom for his White House ambitions:

1. String Cheese - chomps right into without even peeling off strings
2. Raisin Bran - separates it and first eats one bowl of just raisins, then a bowl of just bran flakes
3. Cheetos - crushes them up in his hands and licks them off
4. Fish - tosses his head back and swallows it whole like a pelican
5. Apple Juice - dips his shirt sleeves into the juice and wrings it out into his mouth
6. Animal Crackers - pretends he's a giant devouring all the helpless creatures of the jungle
7. Oreos - licks the frosting off, puts the cookies back into the package
8. Pop Rocks - leans over next to your ear and opens his mouth
9. French Fries - cracks them open to eat the insides like crab legs
10. Chicken Nuggets - meticulously peels the skin off first
11. Bugles - sticks them onto his fingers and pretends he's Wolverine
12. Teddy Graham's - names them all and makes up little bear adventures for them to go on in Bearland
13. Fun Dip - snorts it
14. Oranges - tosses it down the hatch whole and unpeeled
15. Apples - same as oranges
16. Pizza - picks the toppings off with chopsticks and then slurps the cheese off
17. PB&J - uses the same knife in both peanut butter & jelly jars, licks off in between applications
18. Hamburger - takes a bite then squirts the condiments in his mouth
19. Sushi - politely uses a fork and knife
20. Rice - raw, one grain at a time, chewed like sunflower seeds
21. Chicken Wings - crunches down the whole thing, swallows the bone
22. Subway - nothing weird here, just the fact that he eats Subway
23. Alphabet Soup - rearranges the letters to spell out "President Ron DeSantis"

    And that's it. Before he could even get started, DeSantis was finished. It was nice knowing you, Ron!