Secret Service Says They May Never Know Who Ate Half A Box Of Crayons In The Oval Office | Eastern North Carolina Now

After closing yet another investigation into mysterious situations within the White House, a representative for the United States Secret Service has admitted we may never learn the identity of the person who ate half a box of crayons in the Oval Office.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     After closing yet another investigation into mysterious situations within the White House, a representative for the United States Secret Service has admitted we may never learn the identity of the person who ate half a box of crayons in the Oval Office.

    "There simply isn't any way to know who did it," said Secret Service spokesperson Sean Kellar. "The half-eaten box of Crayolas, which has only ever been located in the Oval Office, was accessible to such a wide range of people. Though it was found in the top drawer of the President's desk, we have no clue as to who may have been eating the crayons. It's a mystery."

    When asked to comment, President Joe Biden claimed to have no knowledge of the situation. "Look here, Jack," Biden said with what appeared to be flecks of blue wax between his teeth, "I haven't had anything to do with eating any crayons. Jill has told me time and time again that crayons are only for coloring, so that's what I use them for. I would never sit at my desk and eat crayons. Trust me, they taste awful. Breedigginharbit!"

    The Secret Service closed its investigation after finding all security cameras in the Oval Office area had been turned off for the President's meeting with unnamed Chinese officials last week.

    At publishing time, the Secret Service had reportedly disposed of the partially devoured crayons, with the President asking how he was supposed to finish coloring a picture of Tigger in his Winnie the Pooh coloring book.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Lizard Person Gives Harrowing Account Of Being Harassed On Airline Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics 10 Best Things To Watch While The Hollywood Strike Is Ongoing


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Cotton has been mentioned as a possible running mate for former President Donald Trump.
In order to let President Biden feel like he is still working, the White House has installed a "Touch-And-Learn" activity desk for Biden to play at while First Lady Jill Biden runs the country.
Former President Donald Trump said during a radio hit on Friday that he would be willing to take a cognitive test alongside President Joe Biden to let voters see the mental state of each presidential candidate.
wife of Washington Post's Max Boot indicted under Foreign Agents Registration Act

HbAD1

NBC News’ Chuck Todd said Tuesday that Biden’s declining cognitive health has been an “open secret” for years, revealing that a senior cabinet member from the Biden administration suggested in 2022 that the president cannot run for reelection.
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/mattvespa/2024/07/17/it-keeps-getting-worse-secret-service-was-aware-of-threat-to-trumps-life-before-he-took-the-stage
Democrats pushing offshore wind are a theat to NC beaches as well
Daily Wire Editor Emeritus Ben Shapiro is testifying to Congress on Wednesday for a House Judiciary Committee hearing on the alleged conspiracy to suppress conservative voices under the guise of “brand safety.”
that has caused the strife in this presidential campaign
Still to early to know all we need to know, but we now know much more than we did last Saturday

HbAD2

The existing School Board should vote to put this project on hold until new Board is seated
At least one person was shot and killed during an assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump on Saturday at a political rally in Pennsylvania in which the suspected gunman was also “neutralized,” according to the U.S. Secret Service.
As everyone now knows, the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling to grant presidents immunity for "official acts" has given Donald Trump unlimited power to do literally anything he wants with zero consequences whatsoever.
President Joe Biden formally rejected on Monday a bill in Congress that would require individuals to show proof of U.S. citizenship to register to vote in elections for federal office.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top