Secret Service Says Eight-Ball Of Cocaine Found In Courtroom Chair Hunter Was Sitting In Probably Left By Tour Group | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WILMINGTON, DE     A strange cocaine-like substance discovered at a federal court Wednesday definitely did not belong to Hunter Biden despite it being found on his courtroom chair. The Secret Service detail charged with protecting the president's son says the illegal-like substance was probably left by "a tour group or something."

    "Courtrooms have tours, right? From kids on a field trip, maybe? I bet it was one of them," said Special Agent Phil Quench.

    Hunter, who appeared in court to plead not guilty to charges he was guilty of, has emphatically denied possessing the illicit substance. "I don't do drugs," Hunter said before excusing himself to use the restroom for the fifth time that morning. "Stay in school, kids!"

    Secret Service agents performed a preliminary investigation before opening the courtroom to local authorities with strict instructions to not look into the matter further. "The powder-like substance came from somewhere, but we'll probably never know who left it. So don't bother," Agent Quench said.

    "I'd hate for something to happen to you."

    At publishing time, a blow-like substance had left a trail leading directly from the courthouse to Hunter Biden's home. The Secret Service posited it was probably planted by Russians.

poll#185

Regarding the entrenched Two Tier Justice System's handling of the Cocaine Discovery found near to the Situation Room, in the West Wing of the White House: What is your position on, what Eastern NC NOW has coined, The Cocaine Presidency?

  This is a silly over-concern by over-reactive Republicans.

  Never in the history of the Secret Service's protection of the White House, and its inhabitants, has a dangerous narcotic been found in such a secure location, and then so inadequately investigated.

  Drugs are cool, so I might be the wrong person to ask.

294 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?