Capitol Physician Medically Clears Bowl Of Jell-O To Serve In Senate | Eastern North Carolina Now

In addition to certifying Mitch McConnell, Diane Feinstein, and John Fetterman as fit to serve in prominent roles in the legislative branch of the United States government, the attending physician at the U.S. Capitol has medically cleared a bowl of Jell-O to serve in the Senate.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.     In addition to certifying Mitch McConnell, Diane Feinstein, and John Fetterman as fit to serve in prominent roles in the legislative branch of the United States government, the attending physician at the U.S. Capitol has medically cleared a bowl of Jell-O to serve in the Senate.

    "It is my official medical opinion that this bowl of Jell-O is in fine shape," said Dr. Brian P. Monahan. "Both physically and mentally, this bowl of cherry-flavored gelatin is every bit as capable of governing as our most important leaders."

    Public concern has grown significantly in recent months, as the advancing ages or much-publicized health issues of America's leaders have called into question whether they are fit to be in their positions. "I've heard all the concerns," Dr. Monahan said. "The media and the public at large love to take certain incidents and blow them out of proportion, but I'm the one with the medical license. If I say Senators McConnell and Feinstein are good to go despite looking like they were just rolled out of a morgue, then they're good to go. Just because Senator Fetterman has to be fed his meals and led into the Senate chamber by a leash doesn't mean anything is wrong with his cognitive abilities. You peasants need to pipe down and let me do my job."

    At publishing time, though the Jell-O was said to be waiting in the wings to take McConnell's seat, rumors persisted that it was instead considering a presidential run in 2024.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




City Of Chicago Sues Murder Victims For Not Getting Out Of The Way Of Bullets Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Boomer Forgets Password


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic
majority of board member are rubberstamps for liberal superintendant
like the old Soviet Union, Biden put DEI political officers in the military
ssick perverts running Deere sponsored homosexual event for 3 year olds

HbAD1

appoints new pro-cnesorship White House official
Those with access to President Joe Biden behind closed doors say that his condition is deteriorating at an accelerated rate

HbAD2

Following a 6-3 ruling from the United States Supreme Court protecting him from prosecution for official acts done while in office, former President Donald Trump released a public statement in which he announced that he is now the most immune president in history.
Republican lawmakers slammed President Joe Biden this week after an explosive report revealed that an ISIS-affiliated human smuggling network has brought more than 400 illegal aliens into the U.S.
BIden claimed authority from Obamacare to impose gender identity requirements

HbAD3

 
Back to Top