‘I’m Going To Read A Book’ Says Man Going To Fall Asleep | Eastern North Carolina Now

Local man John Bellville announced to his wife he was going to lay down and read a book, guaranteeing he would soon be unconscious.

ENCNow
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SIOUX FALLS, SD     Local man John Bellville announced to his wife he was going to lay down and read a book, guaranteeing he would soon be unconscious.

    Despite maintaining a perfect record of falling asleep within mere seconds of opening a book, hope springs eternal in the Bellville home. Adamant that this time would be different, Mr. Bellville sat down with Phantastes and launched immediately into a REM cycle.

    "Zzzzzzzzz," said Mr. Bellville, the book haphazardly draped across his face. "Zzzzzzzzzzz."

    According to sources, Mr. Bellville has been reading about one-and-a-half sentences of his book each evening before falling asleep. Having finished the first chapter in a mere nine months, he is reportedly on track to finish the book shortly before dying. He is, however, expected to have an above-average lifespan due to his excellent sleeping habits.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Trump Says He Totally Would Have Fired Fauci If Only He'd Had Some Sort Of Cool Catchphrase To Get The Job Done Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics New Mexico Criminals Excited To Hear No One Will Be Armed For Entire Month


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

12% spike in heart-related deaths from eating plant-based fake meat
Reform leader Nigel Farage says his party will be new voice of conservatism in UK
lower courts can deport illegal aliens who miss their hearings
Not a dime's worth of difference between D's and R's in the GA leadership
Democrat strategist James Carville raged against the legacy media this week, demanding that they take an even more biased approach when reporting on former President Donald Trump.

HbAD1

Dominion Voting Systems to incorrectly calculate vote totals
Stopping its attempt to rewrite Title IX to force Texas schools to adopt radical “transgender” policies
Republican congressman Byron Donalds said it would be a “great honor” if former President Donald Trump were to ask him to be his running-mate for 2024, saying the ultimate goal is for Trump to win and he’ll do whatever he’s asked to help him do that.
weaponized political FBI needs major reform or replacement
2019, 40 Democrats signed a letter saying they condemned the Nazi Azov Battalion in Ukraine
Voters in Arizona will have the opportunity to enact broad border security measures in November as the state faces a flood of illegal immigration after the Republican-led state legislature passed a resolution that will put the measures on the general election ballot.
51 ex-spies lies to the American people threw the 2020 election
The former White House physician for Presidents Barack Obama and Donald Trump says that a new report this week about how President Joe Biden is struggling to function behind closed doors represents a serious threat to the U.S.

HbAD2

The Tikva Forum for Families of Hostages, an Israeli group created to represent the families of those taken during Hamas’ October 7 terrorist attack, urged President Joe Biden to stop interfering with Israel’s campaign to destroy the terrorist group.
how the Democrats set up the January 6 riot at the Capitol
this is why the left is now attacking Supreme Court justices
Addiction is not just a physical issue, it is also deeply spiritual
told to let all single males just walk in excpet for 6 countries
After saying the six-foot social distancing guideline during the COVID-19 pandemic “sort of just appeared,” Dr. Anthony Fauci on Monday testified that his statement had been “distorted” and that it “actually” came from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

HbAD3

Accepting the unacceptable makes the unacceptable acceptable
combined traditional conservatives and populist conservatives win majority for first time
The state Supreme Court has agreed to hear one of two pending cases involving North Carolina bar owners challenging Gov. Roy Cooper's COVID-related shutdowns in 2020.
The Biden administration canceled over 350,000 asylum cases, allowing migrants to stay in the United States indefinitely in a move that experts called “mass amnesty.”
Former White House medical advisor Anthony Fauci changed his view of COVID vaccines from 2021 to 2024, clips show.
UK votes for parliament on July 4th, and EU voting for its parliament now

HbAD4

 
Back to Top