‘I’m Going To Read A Book’ Says Man Going To Fall Asleep | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SIOUX FALLS, SD     Local man John Bellville announced to his wife he was going to lay down and read a book, guaranteeing he would soon be unconscious.

    Despite maintaining a perfect record of falling asleep within mere seconds of opening a book, hope springs eternal in the Bellville home. Adamant that this time would be different, Mr. Bellville sat down with Phantastes and launched immediately into a REM cycle.

    "Zzzzzzzzz," said Mr. Bellville, the book haphazardly draped across his face. "Zzzzzzzzzzz."

    According to sources, Mr. Bellville has been reading about one-and-a-half sentences of his book each evening before falling asleep. Having finished the first chapter in a mere nine months, he is reportedly on track to finish the book shortly before dying. He is, however, expected to have an above-average lifespan due to his excellent sleeping habits.