9 Must-Haves To Pack For Your Harvard Student's Dorm | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    It's Christmas time again! Parents are looking for the perfect gift for kids of all ages, which can be especially tough if your child is attending a prestigious, virulently antisemitic institution like Harvard!

    The Babylon Bee is here to help by providing you with the following list of absolute must-have items to pack for your Harvard student's dorm room:

1. Shovel: That tunnel network under campus isn't going to dig itself!
2. Paragliding kit: It's the Harvard way to get to class.
3. Body armor: Only if your student is Jewish.
4. Hitler bobblehead: Just the thing to keep their spirits up while reading Bin Laden's "Letter To America".
5. Pickleball paddle: This one isn't political, he just might want to play pickleball.
6. Grenade Launcher: You can't fight infidels with binders, mom!
7. Pocket Qur'an: It'll come in handy for required classes like "Jihad 101".
8. Baby carrier: Just in case they come across any human shields on campus.
9. Star of David: For affixing to anyone who sets off one of the campus "Jew Detectors".

    Your Harvard student is about to have the best Christmas ever! Get to shopping!