Pope Announces Church May Bless Same-Sex Couples As Long As Priest Ends Blessing With ‘No Homo' | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on Eastern NC NOW with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    VATICAN CITY     To clarify previous remarks on the nature of priestly blessings and same-sex couples, the see of Peter formally announced all such blessings are only appropriate if the priest ends the blessing by quickly adding, "No homo."

    "I hope that clears things up," said Pope Francis in his native Spanish, which was then translated to Italian, then to Latin, back to Italian, and finally to English. "It's not gay to be homo."

    "Wait, what did he mean by that?" said Thomas Archibald, a Catholic layman. "Can I go be gay now? I'm gonna go be gay."

    Anticipating further confusion, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued a statement clarifying that every statement by Pope Francis should be understood as having a silent "no homo" added to the end of it. "The Pope always speaks nullus homo," said Achibishop Fernando. "It is a tradition that traces its origins to Saint Peter himself."

    To further clarify matters, the Roman Curia has issued an addendum to every papal writing in the Vatican Secret Archives, adding "no homo" to every writing as far back as church documents allow. A new Catholic Bible will also be published which adds "No homo" to the end of Revelation, answering the question once and for all, for all time.

    Pope Francis said, "I hope this clears everything up. No homo."

    At publishing time, the Catholic Church was embroiled in controversy after it was discovered adding "no homo" to the end of statements about the evils of homosexuality constituted a double negative. "I guess I can be gay now?" asked Catholic layman Thomas Archibald yet again.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




New Body-Positive Scale Just Says 'You're Totally Healthy And Definitely Won't Die At A Young Age Of Heart Disease' Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics New Seventh-Day Adventist Chick-fil-A Closed Saturday, Open Sunday


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

The Missouri Senate approved a constitutional amendment to ban non-U.S. citizens from voting and also ban ranked-choice voting.
Democrats prosecuting political opponets just like foreign dictrators do
populist / nationalist / sovereigntist right are kingmakers for new government
18 year old boy who thinks he is girl planned to shoot up elementary school in Maryland
Biden assault on democracy continues to build as he ramps up dictatorship
One would think that the former Attorney General would have known better
illegal alien "asylum seeker" migrants are a crime wave on both sides of the Atlantic
UNC board committee votes unanimously to end DEI in UNC system

HbAD1

Police in the nation’s capital are not stopping illegal aliens who are driving around without license plates, according to a new report.
Davidaon County student suspended for using correct legal term for those in country illegally
Lawmakers and privacy experts on both sides of the political spectrum are sounding the alarm on a provision in a spy powers reform bill that one senator described as one of the “most terrifying expansions of government surveillance” in history
given to illegals in Mexico before they even get to US: NGOs connected to Mayorkas
committee gets enough valid signatures to force vote on removing Oakland, CA's Soros DA
other pro-terrorist protests in Chicago shout "Death to America" in Farsi

HbAD2

Only two of the so-called “three Johns” will be competing to replace Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) as leader of the Senate GOP.
House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan (R-OH) is looking into whether GoFundMe and Eventbrite cooperated with federal law enforcement during their investigation into the financial transactions of supporters of former President Donald Trump.
Turkish diplomatic sources say he did
Popularity of government leader crashes, even among his own party members.
Wisconsin voters ban private money, nonprofits from the election process after 2020 ‘Zuckerbucks’ controversy; spotlight now on 22 states that still allow it.
6 month old baby fighting for life after mother killed; policewoman finally arrives, shoots knifeman

HbAD3

 
Back to Top