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Controversial former U.S. women's soccer player Megan Rapinoe was not unemployed for long, as the Galactic Empire reportedly recruited the recently retired athlete to train its stormtroopers to shoot.
Published: Friday, October 6th, 2023 @ 10:38 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Emperor Palpatine was said to be very pleased with the latest ballistics report on stormtrooper marksmanship, as the Imperial Army's collective accuracy percentage improved dramatically after adding pistol braces to all blasters.
Published: Friday, September 8th, 2023 @ 8:46 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Galactic Empire announced new merchandise today, with the Emperor releasing a special hat saying "But his Death Star".
Published: Thursday, July 27th, 2023 @ 10:16 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a bid to draw large corporate interests to conduct business in South Carolina and bring tens of thousands of jobs to the state, former governor and U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley has informed Emperor Palpatine that South Carolina is the ideal location to build a new Death Star.
Published: Monday, May 29th, 2023 @ 10:13 am
By: Babylon Bee
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The Empire recently passed a series of red flag laws designed to help identify individuals who might be a danger to themselves and others. The laws passed the Galactic Senate unanimously with one vote from the Emperor, since he is the Senate.
Published: Monday, July 4th, 2022 @ 1:43 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Emperor Palpatine's office has announced the construction of a bigger and even more powerful Death Star equipped with a 9mm. The Death Star's blast is said to be so powerful it can blow the core out of a planet.
Published: Friday, June 10th, 2022 @ 11:40 am
By: Babylon Bee
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RIPON, CA — When an abrupt knock at the door interrupted his Raiders game, local man Joe Castaneda almost overturned his bowl of tortilla chips.
Published: Thursday, May 19th, 2022 @ 10:42 am
By: Babylon Bee
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