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Results found for "sort"


11/04/2025 Precinct Sort and 2026 Candidate Filing
Published: Friday, November 28th, 2025 @ 4:37 pm By: ENC NOW
11/04/2025 Precinct Sort and 2026 Candidate Filing
 
“Hershey wants you to leave your personal, religious, and political beliefs at the door."
“Hershey wants you to leave your personal, religious, and political beliefs at the door."
 
After saying the six-foot social distancing guideline during the COVID-19 pandemic “sort of just appeared,” Dr. Anthony Fauci on Monday testified that his statement had been “distorted” and that it “actually” came from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
Published: Monday, June 10th, 2024 @ 6:33 am By: Daily Wire
After saying the six-foot social distancing guideline during the COVID-19 pandemic “sort of just appeared,” Dr. Anthony Fauci on Monday testified that his statement had been “distorted” and that it “actually” came from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
 
WASHINGTON, DC — In a major win for body positivity, the Center for Disease Control released a new scale this week to help doctors inform slightly larger patients they're doing great and definitely won't die young from any sort of coronary episode.
Published: Sunday, March 3rd, 2024 @ 8:43 pm By: Babylon Bee
WASHINGTON, DC — In a major win for body positivity, the Center for Disease Control released a new scale this week to help doctors inform slightly larger patients they're doing great and definitely won't die young from any sort of coronary episode.
 
You're not gonna believe this. Check out this list of radical Christian nationalists who believe inalienable human rights are endowed on them by some sort of higher power, a Creator, or something like that, and not by the federal government.
Published: Saturday, March 2nd, 2024 @ 7:25 pm By: Babylon Bee
You're not gonna believe this. Check out this list of radical Christian nationalists who believe inalienable human rights are endowed on them by some sort of higher power, a Creator, or something like that, and not by the federal government.
 
Local t-ball player Luther Haddox locked up his team's "Most Valuable Player" award after running somewhat in the general direction of first base.
Published: Friday, January 26th, 2024 @ 9:02 am By: Babylon Bee
Local t-ball player Luther Haddox locked up his team's "Most Valuable Player" award after running somewhat in the general direction of first base.
 
Speaking at a press conference this week, Secretary of State Antony Blinken chastised the vast media apparatus across the world and assorted governments who have not demanded that Hamas stop hiding behind civilians and surrender.
Speaking at a press conference this week, Secretary of State Antony Blinken chastised the vast media apparatus across the world and assorted governments who have not demanded that Hamas stop hiding behind civilians and surrender.
 
DENTWOOD, IA — Sources at the Mannfred household confirmed Monday that 35-year-old Kurt Mannfred's stack of Christmas gifts was "virtually indistinguishable" from the sort of presents that would have been given to a 9-year-old boy.
DENTWOOD, IA — Sources at the Mannfred household confirmed Monday that 35-year-old Kurt Mannfred's stack of Christmas gifts was "virtually indistinguishable" from the sort of presents that would have been given to a 9-year-old boy.
 
House Republicans were relieved nothing globally significant happened this week while they hashed out who will replace ousted Kevin McCarthy as the next Speaker of the House.
Published: Friday, December 8th, 2023 @ 5:54 pm By: Babylon Bee
House Republicans were relieved nothing globally significant happened this week while they hashed out who will replace ousted Kevin McCarthy as the next Speaker of the House.
 
PARIS — Following a fatal knife attack by a self-proclaimed jihadist in Arras, France, the leaders of Western nations wondered if there would ever be some sort of way to physically stop jihadists from entering their borders.
PARIS — Following a fatal knife attack by a self-proclaimed jihadist in Arras, France, the leaders of Western nations wondered if there would ever be some sort of way to physically stop jihadists from entering their borders.
 
Charlotte has joined a list of major US cities who recently placed a formal bid to designate the Queen City as a nationally recognized regional tech hub.
Charlotte has joined a list of major US cities who recently placed a formal bid to designate the Queen City as a nationally recognized regional tech hub.
 
Excitement abounded over the weekend as the long-awaited Sphere at the Venitian Resort had its grand opening. Attendees reported a wondrous, mind-blowing experience that would have been truly magnificent if it had not been spoiled by a U2 concert.
Excitement abounded over the weekend as the long-awaited Sphere at the Venitian Resort had its grand opening. Attendees reported a wondrous, mind-blowing experience that would have been truly magnificent if it had not been spoiled by a U2 concert.
 
In response to criticism that he should have fired Dr. Anthony Fauci at the start of the pandemic, former president Donald Trump says he would have done the deed if only he'd had some sort of recognizable catchphrase to get the job done.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 8:44 pm By: Babylon Bee
In response to criticism that he should have fired Dr. Anthony Fauci at the start of the pandemic, former president Donald Trump says he would have done the deed if only he'd had some sort of recognizable catchphrase to get the job done.
 
In a last-ditch effort to stop Californians from moving in and ruining their state, Texans have resorted to putting up billboards in California telling everyone how terrible Texas is and how they probably should just stay in California.
Published: Sunday, November 12th, 2023 @ 8:53 am By: Babylon Bee
In a last-ditch effort to stop Californians from moving in and ruining their state, Texans have resorted to putting up billboards in California telling everyone how terrible Texas is and how they probably should just stay in California.
 
The CIA is planning to unleash an artificial intelligence tool to give analysts better access to sort through vast amounts of public information, according to a Bloomberg report.
Published: Tuesday, October 10th, 2023 @ 12:41 am By: Daily Wire
The CIA is planning to unleash an artificial intelligence tool to give analysts better access to sort through vast amounts of public information, according to a Bloomberg report.
 
Church leaders with the Southern Baptist Convention are debating a measure to enshrine a ban on appointing female pastors, with many frustrated attendees now wishing God had written some sort of book telling them whether or not a pastor can be a woman.
Published: Sunday, July 23rd, 2023 @ 8:27 am By: Babylon Bee
Church leaders with the Southern Baptist Convention are debating a measure to enshrine a ban on appointing female pastors, with many frustrated attendees now wishing God had written some sort of book telling them whether or not a pastor can be a woman.
 
Clippy, the Microsoft AI office assistant on Hunter Biden's laptop, has stopped cooperating with law enforcement after becoming too traumatized to continue sorting through the horrific content.
Published: Tuesday, June 27th, 2023 @ 7:46 pm By: Babylon Bee
Clippy, the Microsoft AI office assistant on Hunter Biden's laptop, has stopped cooperating with law enforcement after becoming too traumatized to continue sorting through the horrific content.
 
Trump made a statement from his Florida resort on Wednesday, responding to DeSantis's announcement he was running for President. In it, he attacked his opponent for mismanaging the state so badly that only a really dumb idiot would ever want to live there.
Published: Sunday, June 25th, 2023 @ 1:05 pm By: Babylon Bee
Trump made a statement from his Florida resort on Wednesday, responding to DeSantis's announcement he was running for President. In it, he attacked his opponent for mismanaging the state so badly that only a really dumb idiot would ever want to live there.
 
In a last-ditch effort to stem the tide of illegal migrants crossing the border, locals in Arizona and Texas have resorted to hanging Bud Light signs all over the wall in hopes of scaring away would-be crossers.
Published: Friday, June 9th, 2023 @ 12:38 am By: Babylon Bee
In a last-ditch effort to stem the tide of illegal migrants crossing the border, locals in Arizona and Texas have resorted to hanging Bud Light signs all over the wall in hopes of scaring away would-be crossers.
 
Owners of a local resort were left discouraged after John the Apostle left their establishment a decidedly negative 1-star review following his stay.
Published: Friday, May 12th, 2023 @ 1:37 am By: Babylon Bee
Owners of a local resort were left discouraged after John the Apostle left their establishment a decidedly negative 1-star review following his stay.
 
President Joe Biden took a tough stance against the kidnapping of four Americans by a Mexican drug cartel in Matamoros, Mexico this week, demanding that all hotels in the area reduce their resort fees immediately.
Published: Saturday, March 11th, 2023 @ 12:28 pm By: Babylon Bee
President Joe Biden took a tough stance against the kidnapping of four Americans by a Mexican drug cartel in Matamoros, Mexico this week, demanding that all hotels in the area reduce their resort fees immediately.
 
In a recent statement, President Biden vowed to make good on his promise to end resort fees at hotels by the time World War III begins.
In a recent statement, President Biden vowed to make good on his promise to end resort fees at hotels by the time World War III begins.
 
The former president of Russia and current deputy chairman of Russia’s Security Council, Dmitry Medvedev, warned on Thursday that if Russia loses its war with Ukraine, it might resort to using nuclear weapons.
Published: Friday, January 27th, 2023 @ 9:29 am By: Daily Wire
The former president of Russia and current deputy chairman of Russia’s Security Council, Dmitry Medvedev, warned on Thursday that if Russia loses its war with Ukraine, it might resort to using nuclear weapons.
 
Legendary actor Tom Hanks stood up for “nepo babies” in a recent interview, arguing that it wasn’t nepotism so much as the fact that the Hollywood film industry, like any other industry, had the potential to be a “family business” of sorts.
Published: Monday, January 9th, 2023 @ 2:44 pm By: Daily Wire
Legendary actor Tom Hanks stood up for “nepo babies” in a recent interview, arguing that it wasn’t nepotism so much as the fact that the Hollywood film industry, like any other industry, had the potential to be a “family business” of sorts.
 
Alison Krause is one of the most talented performers of our time. It's time for Allison, and a host of assorted talented musicians, such as Yo-Yo Ma to take their turn in our Yuletide section.
Alison Krause is one of the most talented performers of our time. It's time for Allison, and a host of assorted talented musicians, such as Yo-Yo Ma to take their turn in our Yuletide section.
 
After journalists this week experienced the terrible ignominy of a brief suspension from Twitter, the media has begun calling for some sort of constitutional amendment that would protect people's right to speak.
After journalists this week experienced the terrible ignominy of a brief suspension from Twitter, the media has begun calling for some sort of constitutional amendment that would protect people's right to speak.
 
With Ketanji Brown Jackson joining a growing number of women on the United States Supreme Court, Justice Clarance Thomas has taken to wearing noise-canceling headphones to help drown out the incessant chatter.
Published: Sunday, December 18th, 2022 @ 9:29 am By: Babylon Bee
With Ketanji Brown Jackson joining a growing number of women on the United States Supreme Court, Justice Clarance Thomas has taken to wearing noise-canceling headphones to help drown out the incessant chatter.
 
Aides are scrambling to keep the President on track without wandering off stage and getting lost again on national television. To combat this, Biden's handlers have resorted to laying down a trail of women's hair on the ground for Biden to sniff and follow.
Published: Sunday, December 18th, 2022 @ 3:31 am By: Babylon Bee
Aides are scrambling to keep the President on track without wandering off stage and getting lost again on national television. To combat this, Biden's handlers have resorted to laying down a trail of women's hair on the ground for Biden to sniff and follow.
 
Man scientists released new health guidelines for personal hygiene on Wednesday by confirming the validity of a well-established tradition: washing your hair and letting the shampoo just sort of run down the rest of you is good enough.
Man scientists released new health guidelines for personal hygiene on Wednesday by confirming the validity of a well-established tradition: washing your hair and letting the shampoo just sort of run down the rest of you is good enough.
 
Things got tense in the White House briefing room today after several journalists in the press pool asked Jean-Pierre to answer some questions.
Things got tense in the White House briefing room today after several journalists in the press pool asked Jean-Pierre to answer some questions.
 
The post-election postmortems are still trying to sort it out. The midterm elections were supposed to be a Republican rout.
The post-election postmortems are still trying to sort it out. The midterm elections were supposed to be a Republican rout.
 
With Elon Musk acquiring Twitter, many heartbroken Leftists expressed concern they may soon have to resort to just not reading tweets they don't like.
Published: Friday, November 4th, 2022 @ 2:17 pm By: Babylon Bee
With Elon Musk acquiring Twitter, many heartbroken Leftists expressed concern they may soon have to resort to just not reading tweets they don't like.
 
As Europeans burn more wood amid an energy shortage ahead of the winter months, Greta Thunberg and other climate activists urged officials to discourage such activity in favor of solar and wind power.
As Europeans burn more wood amid an energy shortage ahead of the winter months, Greta Thunberg and other climate activists urged officials to discourage such activity in favor of solar and wind power.
 
Never before in the history of U-Haul, founded in Phoenix after WWII to service the market of newly-discharged military personnel starting families, has there been a problem of this sort.
Published: Monday, August 29th, 2022 @ 11:38 am By: Guy Miller
Never before in the history of U-Haul, founded in Phoenix after WWII to service the market of newly-discharged military personnel starting families, has there been a problem of this sort.
 
Local man Tom Goodwin completely embarrassed himself at church this morning after being forced to resort to his Bible tabs to locate the book of Habakkuk.
Published: Sunday, August 21st, 2022 @ 12:41 am By: Babylon Bee
Local man Tom Goodwin completely embarrassed himself at church this morning after being forced to resort to his Bible tabs to locate the book of Habakkuk.
 
Lebron James was spotted teaching his son Bronny basic basketball fundamentals on Tuesday, according to TMZ and assorted stalkers. In a touching father-son moment caught on camera, the NBA star taught his boy how to flop.
Lebron James was spotted teaching his son Bronny basic basketball fundamentals on Tuesday, according to TMZ and assorted stalkers. In a touching father-son moment caught on camera, the NBA star taught his boy how to flop.
 
On Thursday, actress Kirstie Alley, apparently fed-up with what she perceived as the patronizing air White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki adopts when speaking to the press, unleashed a blast in which she ripped Psaki for avoiding answering questions and instead resorting to “mean girl s***.”
Published: Thursday, June 9th, 2022 @ 9:15 pm By: Daily Wire
On Thursday, actress Kirstie Alley, apparently fed-up with what she perceived as the patronizing air White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki adopts when speaking to the press, unleashed a blast in which she ripped Psaki for avoiding answering questions and instead resorting to “mean girl s***.”
 
With infant formula shortages reaching crisis levels across the nation, Pete Buttigieg is struggling to find food for his twin babies and has been forced to resort to chestfeeding.
Published: Saturday, May 21st, 2022 @ 12:39 pm By: Babylon Bee
With infant formula shortages reaching crisis levels across the nation, Pete Buttigieg is struggling to find food for his twin babies and has been forced to resort to chestfeeding.
 
A historic World War II Fletcher-class destroyer is sinking in Buffalo, New York, following some sort of major breach of the ship’s hull on Wednesday, and officials are still not exactly sure what happened.
Published: Wednesday, April 20th, 2022 @ 2:18 am By: Daily Wire
A historic World War II Fletcher-class destroyer is sinking in Buffalo, New York, following some sort of major breach of the ship’s hull on Wednesday, and officials are still not exactly sure what happened.
 
On Wednesday night, on the eve of Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov arriving in the southern Turkish resort city of Antalya for peace talks, Ukraine’s deputy prime minister Iryna Vereshchuk defiantly responded to supposed “peace terms” offered by Russia
Published: Thursday, March 10th, 2022 @ 3:21 pm By: Daily Wire
On Wednesday night, on the eve of Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov arriving in the southern Turkish resort city of Antalya for peace talks, Ukraine’s deputy prime minister Iryna Vereshchuk defiantly responded to supposed “peace terms” offered by Russia
 

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