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Results found for "theologian"


Prominent theologians speculated the world may be on the cusp of a new outpouring of the Holy Spirit after President Joe Biden and Senator John Fetterman began speaking in unknown languages and tongues of fire came to rest on them during a joint public appearance.
Published: Saturday, July 29th, 2023 @ 4:08 pm By: Babylon Bee
Prominent theologians speculated the world may be on the cusp of a new outpouring of the Holy Spirit after President Joe Biden and Senator John Fetterman began speaking in unknown languages and tongues of fire came to rest on them during a joint public appearance.
 
In a new discovery, a team of highly respected theologians has announced that there is, indeed, an expansive library of audiobooks in Hell, but, unfortunately, every book is voiced by actress and rapper Awkwafina.
Published: Sunday, June 25th, 2023 @ 8:25 am By: Babylon Bee
In a new discovery, a team of highly respected theologians has announced that there is, indeed, an expansive library of audiobooks in Hell, but, unfortunately, every book is voiced by actress and rapper Awkwafina.
 
What did you do to earn God's mercy? That's right — NOTHING! Nada, zero, zilch. The Babylon Bee theologians have compiled a complete list of all zero of the things you did to merit the forgiveness of your sins.
Published: Saturday, April 8th, 2023 @ 2:07 pm By: Babylon Bee
What did you do to earn God's mercy? That's right — NOTHING! Nada, zero, zilch. The Babylon Bee theologians have compiled a complete list of all zero of the things you did to merit the forgiveness of your sins.
 
Theologians at the Claremont School of Theology put forward additional evidence that God has a sense of humor by pointing out that 1 out of every 20 pistachios tastes like flaming hot garbage.
Published: Tuesday, January 31st, 2023 @ 9:09 am By: Babylon Bee
Theologians at the Claremont School of Theology put forward additional evidence that God has a sense of humor by pointing out that 1 out of every 20 pistachios tastes like flaming hot garbage.
 
Theologians from seminaries across the country have united in agreement that holy Scripture is 72% more powerful if read in an awesome foreign accent.
Theologians from seminaries across the country have united in agreement that holy Scripture is 72% more powerful if read in an awesome foreign accent.
 
An international Protestant council of scholars and theologians has met this week and formally declared that the commandment "Thou Shalt Not Steal" does not apply to parents repossessing their children's Halloween haul.
Published: Monday, November 7th, 2022 @ 7:28 am By: Babylon Bee
An international Protestant council of scholars and theologians has met this week and formally declared that the commandment "Thou Shalt Not Steal" does not apply to parents repossessing their children's Halloween haul.
 
Scholars have finally confirmed that it's not necessary to say a blessing for pre-meal chips and salsa, as they were already blessed in eternity past before the foundations of the world.
Published: Friday, August 19th, 2022 @ 5:06 pm By: Babylon Bee
Scholars have finally confirmed that it's not necessary to say a blessing for pre-meal chips and salsa, as they were already blessed in eternity past before the foundations of the world.
 
Biblical scholar Dr. Edward Gaddville has put forward an exciting new theory that Jesus slept through a storm while on a fishing boat with His disciples because He was using a MyPillow
Published: Monday, June 27th, 2022 @ 5:40 pm By: Babylon Bee
Biblical scholar Dr. Edward Gaddville has put forward an exciting new theory that Jesus slept through a storm while on a fishing boat with His disciples because He was using a MyPillow
 
It is said that the 4th century Christian scholar and theologian St. Jerome may have originated the popular proverb "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
It is said that the 4th century Christian scholar and theologian St. Jerome may have originated the popular proverb "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
 

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