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Pope Francis issued an official statement today demanding that God remove the walls and gates that surround the Kingdom of Heaven.
Published: Wednesday, February 12th, 2025 @ 7:02 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Distinguished authors J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis have once again been sent to opposite corners of Heaven following a heated argument about the proper use of allegory.
Published: Sunday, February 25th, 2024 @ 9:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Choose wisely where you will spend eternity
Published: Saturday, February 24th, 2024 @ 8:03 am
By: Countrygirl1411
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All was not trumpets and harps at the Pearly Gates following a surprising revelation that has really ruffled some holy vestments. Saints in Heaven were shocked to learn Catholics have been trying to talk to them this whole time.
Published: Tuesday, December 5th, 2023 @ 11:44 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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The late Steve Christiansen, a devout Christian who had filled his mortal days serving others and standing for truth and righteousness, was about to walk through the gates to heaven when an ever-vigilant St. Peter heard him call soda "pop."
Published: Friday, November 3rd, 2023 @ 2:25 am
By: Babylon Bee
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All of the dogs living in Heaven fled in horror today upon the arrival of notorious neutering advocate Bob Barker.
Published: Sunday, October 29th, 2023 @ 1:17 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A terrifying new report has sent shockwaves throughout the Christian community, as rumors swirled that people who skim through the genealogies in their Bible reading will be barred from entering Heaven.
Published: Wednesday, September 6th, 2023 @ 9:05 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Local man William Swoop arrived home after a long day at work Friday but found himself incapable of shutting off his car and entering his home.
Published: Wednesday, June 7th, 2023 @ 11:21 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to heavenly sources, Dave Ramsey will now be stationed outside of the pearly gates to judge people based on how well they stuck to their budget.
Published: Wednesday, May 10th, 2023 @ 6:35 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Due to quality control issues, Saint Peter's questionnaire at the Pearly Gates has gotten stricter. Still think you can get into heaven with all your terrible opinions? Check out this list and find out!
Published: Tuesday, April 11th, 2023 @ 10:59 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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By Dr. Adam B. Dooley
Published: Saturday, March 25th, 2023 @ 11:30 am
By: Countrygirl1411
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Reports coming down from on high confirm Heaven will feature a fully stocked Buc-ee's convenience store and gas station. Saints will be able to fill up on delicious Beaver Nuggets and brisket sandwiches before evacuating their heavenly bowels in the world-famous restrooms.
Published: Thursday, March 2nd, 2023 @ 12:28 am
By: Babylon Bee
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In a stunning reversal, Congresswoman Lauren Boebert of Colorado has reportedly decided not to spend eternity in Heaven after finding out there won't be firearms there. The lawmaker made her choice following a disappointing conversation with her pastor.
Published: Saturday, February 11th, 2023 @ 7:40 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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What began as a joyous celebration quickly devolved into chaos and horror for some local shepherds after a multitude of the Heavenly host began singing "Last Christmas" by Wham! late last night.
Published: Friday, December 16th, 2022 @ 3:01 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local man was suddenly struck with fear as he stood in line to enter Heaven when Saint Peter unexpectedly asked him to answer how many warriors were in the tribe of Simeon at the time of the Exodus.
Published: Wednesday, November 2nd, 2022 @ 1:47 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Anthony Spinner, a Wisconsin man who'd recently been broken in half during a backyard wrestling match, attempted to argue his way into the Kingdom of Heaven by showing Saint Peter the Ukraine flag he placed on his Twitter bio.
Published: Thursday, August 11th, 2022 @ 3:21 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Life can throw some real mysteries your way, and we have all wished we could ask God for a few answers.
Published: Saturday, August 6th, 2022 @ 8:12 am
By: Babylon Bee
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After living a life of poverty famously dedicated to evangelization, Saint Anthony asked God today what on earth he did to now deserve an eternity of looking around for people's keys and cell phones.
Published: Friday, August 5th, 2022 @ 4:56 am
By: Babylon Bee
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According to sources within the heavenly realm, the promised reward of a mansion for all believers will be augmented for VBS volunteers with the gift of a brand new, perfect Tesla upon arrival.
Published: Friday, July 8th, 2022 @ 2:32 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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At a press conference this week, angelic Chief of Staff Gabriel Angelino confirmed that new arrivals into heaven will receive complimentary cheddar bay biscuits, Red-Lobster style, before continuing in to receive their full reward.
Published: Monday, May 9th, 2022 @ 8:41 am
By: Babylon Bee
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All you need for life in heaven's grocery store
Published: Thursday, September 23rd, 2021 @ 2:37 pm
By: Countrygirl1411
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If laughter is good for the soul, then my soul is in good shape after Puddin's recent adventure.
Published: Sunday, February 4th, 2018 @ 1:03 pm
By: Kathy Manos Penn
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And come September, it's a match made in heaven - hog heaven, that is
Published: Friday, September 29th, 2017 @ 10:27 pm
By: ECU News Services
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Today was another excellent Sunday in Bible Study and at church. I am always grateful to learn about the Bible and its lessons.
Published: Sunday, August 6th, 2017 @ 8:28 am
By: Stan Deatherage
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Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic looking man with a beard.
Published: Monday, September 5th, 2011 @ 1:28 pm
By: Stan Deatherage
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