God Confirms Heaven Will Have A Buc-ee's | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    NEW JERUSALEM     Reports coming down from on high confirm Heaven will feature a fully stocked Buc-ee's convenience store and gas station. Saints will be able to fill up on delicious Beaver Nuggets and brisket sandwiches before evacuating their heavenly bowels in the world-famous restrooms.

    A spokesangel explained, "He who has an ear let him hear; just as a father will not give his son a stone if asked for bread, none shall be refused a visit to Buc-ee's if their spirit yearns for it. So obviously there's a Buc-ee's in Heaven, for this is wisdom."

    He continued, "But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have no part in Buc-ee's. Too bad for those guys."

    According to sources, Buc-ee's CEO Arch Aplin III was deeply moved that the host of Heaven had accepted their bid for a new Buc-ee's location. "When the saints die and come before the throne to meet the Father for judgment, they'll also have Buc-ee Beaver waiting to receive them into his loving arms," he said.

    The angel in charge of consumer reports data in Heaven speculates that the gas pumps will be a huge hit since there are no electric cars in Heaven and the only car available will be the 1977 Trans Am with a gold firebird painted on the hood.

    At publishing time, Hell confirmed they will have plenty of Circle K locations.
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )




Thanks To Inflation, More American Families Surviving Solely On Costco Samples Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics White House Announces All Conspiracy Theories Are True Except For The One About Biden Stealing The Presidency


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

A second-year law student at the University of North Carolina- Chapel Hill School of Law was arrested Sunday and charged with domestic terrorism in a coordinated crowd attack on the police training center in Atlanta.
A resident doctor who was training in family medicine not only had an alleged huge cache of child porn, but he also allegedly recorded children as young as 6 years old using a camera hidden in a bracelet as he examined them.
Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, expressed great pride that he was able to bring Christianity to the Anglo-Saxons so their descendants could commemorate it each year
A lead Republican investigator now claims several members of the Biden family are involved in shady business ventures abroad, sharing in the past 24 hours a larger headcount than previously known.
The State has a right and duty to protect young children from these abominations
If Donald Trump were to be indicted for having a tawdry tryst with a trollop, he should probably plead guilty post haste. But the case brought against him by the Manhattan district attorney’s office is not about whether or not he cheated on his wife with porn actress Stormy Daniels
Local leprechaun, pot o' gold enthusiast, and all-around jokester Leery O'Canahan had been excited for St. Patrick's Day for months. "It's like our Super Bowl," O'Canahan told reporters. "Without the weird halftime shows."
Here we see the seeds of disunity in the local GOP and why it is there

HbAD1

also provides for reporting any attempt to "transition" a child
as State Treasurer, Folwell has proven he is an effective conservative
Executives at investment bank Credit Suisse accepted a lifeline from Swiss authorities on Wednesday as concerns of a worldwide financial crisis loom.
Michael Peterson, better known by his fighting name Charles Bronson and Britain’s most notorious prisoner, is up for parole.
Local man Edgar Ramirez had finally had enough of feeling terrible all the time from doing nothing but lying around all day or sitting on the computer - so he finally decided to take up running every day, so that he could feel a different kind of terrible all the time.
Republican Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis launched a new initiative with 18 other states on Thursday to fight back against President Joe Biden’s woke environmental, social, corporate governance (ESG) agenda.
By approving its own version of a noted free-expression statement, the liberal-arts institution takes a major step in the right direction.
The Biden administration demanded that ByteDance, the Chinese technology firm which controls social media platform TikTok, sell the vertical video application or face a possible ban in the United States.
History was made last night, as a human being laughed at The Late Show with Stephen Colbert for the first time since the show began its run in September 2018. To accomplish this feat, Colbert brought in a ringer — Vice President Kamala Harris.

HbAD2

Border Patrol Chief Raul Ortiz testified to Congress on Wednesday that the Department of Homeland Security does not have operational control of the U.S. southern border under President Joe Biden, a claim that is directly at odds with a statement from DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas.
The John Locke Foundation is proud to announce the recent hiring of Kelly Lester and Kaitlyn Shepherd to its research department.
The Department of Defense released video footage Thursday morning of the incident in which two Russian fighter jets harassed a U.S. military drone over international waters — leading to a collision and the complete loss of the drone.
Virginia Governor Glenn Youngkin’s administration has demanded that a liberal school system cut ties with allegedly Chinese Communist Party-linked groups, according to a letter obtained by The Daily Wire.
The N.C. Court of Appeals has affirmed a lower court ruling allowing for a new motocross training center in rural Davidson County.
A federal tech agency recently caught risking the nation’s cybersecurity by violating rules and lying in the name of “equity” is dominated by a cabal of perpetually triggered leftists obsessed with politics and pronouns, a Daily Wire investigation shows.
For more than a decade we’ve studied the problem exhaustively, we’ve talked about it almost incessantly, we’ve engaged the latest curriculum du jour, and have spent more than $50 million dollars, yet we still can’t solve the mystery of our children’s reading proficiency.
The number of January 6 prosecutions could double if a newly revealed prediction by the Justice Department comes true.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top