Man With No Sleep, Hydration, Or Caffeine Blindsided By Inexplicable Migraine Again | Beaufort County Now | Local man Roy Wayland has been caught off guard once again by a crippling migraine that came out of nowhere.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    ALBUQUERQUE, NM     Local man Roy Wayland has been caught off guard once again by a crippling migraine that came out of nowhere. Roy has been searching for what could have caused this headache but so far it has remained a mystery.

    "I haven't eaten today, or exercised in months, and I live my life in a constant state of stress and dehydration. Why does this keep happening to me?" said Roy Wayland contemplating this massive injustice in his life. "Why do I feel awful all the time when I'm doing everything right?"

    According to sources Roy stayed up every night the past week playing video games until 3 AM-all while eating junk food and drinking no water whatsoever. Consequently, Roy woke up each day that week in a hurry and without time for food or coffee. "And then without warning: BAM! My head is pounding and it feels like a truck is parked on my skull," complained Roy.

    At publishing time, Roy stated that he planned on addressing his debilitating migraines by changing absolutely nothing about his daily habits and becoming outraged at life when he gets another migraine tomorrow.
Go Back

HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Following the overturning of Roe v. Wade, Democrats nationwide have been accusing the Supreme Court of taking rights from "women." Onlookers have confirmed this to be confusing, as it seems to suggest that Democrats do in fact know what a woman is.
President Joe Biden will sign a “historic” executive order Wednesday ordering the Department of Health and Human Services to expand efforts to increase the ability of Americans (including children) who identify as transgender to obtain sex-change surgeries.
Two new N.C. Supreme Court decisions set a 40-year maximum prison sentence for violent juvenile offenders, regardless of the number or severity of their crimes.
Intentional destruction of the USA
Retired NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar slammed Los Angeles’ Lakers player LeBron James after James recently gloated over an opposing team by making an “obscene gesture,” saying that the truly greatest players of all time do not need to gloat.
A few days ago, as I was finishing shaving, my wife mentioned that she had an upset stomach. So I handed her 2 Tums and set the bottle down on the vanity counter facing our mirror.
The Federal Reserve announced Wednesday that it would hike interest rates by 0.75% — the boldest action since 1994.
The gun-rights group Grass Roots North Carolina criticizes U.S. Sen. Thom Tillis' "misguided approach" to a possible compromise federal gun bill.

HbAD1

Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT) claimed on Sunday that Democrats have enough votes to enact a new crackdown on guns before admitting that they, in fact, do not have enough votes because of the filibuster.
According to a recently uncovered ancient diary, Biblical scholars now believe that we may now know the words Moses spoke after leading the Israelites out of Egypt and fleeing Ramses with his army.
'The Department of Justice is going easy on those who use violence in furtherance of favored viewpoints'
A woman who used to live in the same housing complex as the 15-year-old charged with killing four students with a handgun and injuring several others said she called Child Protective Services (CPS) on the family years earlier to warn them about potential neglect.
Florida Republican Governor Ron DeSantis on Wednesday responded to comments from tech billionaire Elon Musk — who revealed he was leaning toward supporting DeSantis in the 2024 presidential race — by saying he welcomes “support from African-Americans.”

HbAD2

Amid rumors that Pope Francis will soon abdicate the See of Peter, the Sacred College of Cardinals has pledged to choose a woman of color as the next pope.
Next pandemic and current covid shots
More than 900 employees of mortgage company Better.com were invited to a Zoom webinar last Wednesday, where CEO Vishal Garg announced they would all be fired effective immediately.
Billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk made it clear on Tuesday that he did not agree with the current administration officials — including President Joe Biden himself — who have claimed that a recession was “not inevitable.”
As ratings continue to fizzle for the January 6th hearings, Democrats are trying a new format to bring the committee's scandalous findings to a wider audience.
Three former University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC) students did something few accused of sexual assault on college campuses are able to do: Score large settlements from the college or university that defamed them.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top