Does Your Wife Secretly Have A Crush On Chip Gaines? Signs To Watch Out For | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Is your wife a fan of HGTV's hit show Fixer Upper? Does she love watching Chip and Joanna Gaines tackle their next home renovation? Well, maybe she has a healthy enthusiasm for taking the worst house in the best neighborhood and flipping it, or perhaps she's secretly and madly in love with Chip Gaines. Here are the biggest signs to look for:

    1. She frantically tries to close her laptop when you walk in on her watching Fixer Upper.

    2. She constantly rolls her eyes at Joanna and disagrees with her design choices.

    3. She asks you to wear a hard hat and toolbelt in the bedroom.

    4. She feels the most "romantic" toward you when you hold her close and whisper, "It's Demo Day!"

    5. She not so passive-aggressively hints that she wants to take a trip to Waco, Texas, and visit the Magnolia Stores at the Silos.

    6. She laughs a little too hard when you slip and fall or say something goofy.

    7. She encourages you to put on just a little weight for the perfect Dad bod.

    8. Before you leave the house she insists you're wearing cowboy boots and your hat on backwards.

    9. She asks you to "completely change" your house by replacing all your shiplap with a different kind of shiplap.

    10. A copy of "Capital Gaines" mysteriously replaces the Bible you use for daily devotions.

    11. She requests that you exclusively refer to her as "kiddo" or "Jo-Jo"

    12. She's constantly bringing you a ham sandwich on the job site without your asking.

    13. You find weird extra errands snuck in on your honey-do list, like "hit your head like a buffoon", "dye your hair red and grow a scraggly red beard", and "be more like Chip Gaines."

    If you see your wife dropping any of these hints, get help today. Or just resign yourself to a life of demo days and shiplap. So. Much. Shiplap.