FBI Drops Trump Investigation After Discovering His Top Secret Nuclear Documents Were Just Print-Outs Of Hillary Clinton Emails | Eastern NC Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

Publisher's Note: This series of posts on this one issue - The Unprecedented FBI Raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago Estate - can all be found here on ENC NOW.

    WASHINGTON, DC     Officials running the FBI investigation into former President Donald Trump's possession of allegedly classified nuclear documents were sent scrambling to halt their work after learning the documents in question are actually just printed-out emails from Hillary Clinton's private server.

    "We were all set to see this through to the end and hopefully indict Mr. Trump on very serious charges, but we are now officially ending the investigation," said Special Agent Owen Gaffney in a prepared statement. "We discovered that these sensitive documents were, in fact, printouts of emails originally belonging to Hillary Clinton, and we're just not going anywhere near that."

    After learning about the abrupt end of the investigation, Trump lashed out on his Truth Social account. "There is a clear double standard of justice in this country, and it's truly a shame," Trump said. "My beautiful home, Mar-A-Lago, was unjustly raided by swarms of corrupt FBI agents, but Crooked Hillary Clinton can illegally store tens of thousands of classified emails and get away with murder - literally - without any consequences. Sad! Stop murdering people, Hillary!"

    When pressed for more information as to why the FBI would not be moving forward with the investigation, Agent Gaffney grew visibly nervous. "Look, Hillary Clinton, her family members, her staff, and anyone who works with her are completely innocent, ok? And that goes for President Biden, his son, Hunter, and basically any high-ranking Democrat. Ok? Do you hear me? Just don't make me talk about it! I don't want to die!"

    At publishing time, the press was attempting to learn more about the situation, but FBI agents responded by screaming and running for cover anytime the name "Hillary Clinton" was mentioned.


poll#161

Considering what is being reported as the most divisive presidential speech - September 1, 2022 - in modern American history, where over 74,000,000 people, many of whom are OUR greatest patriots, were named as fascists by inference or otherwise: Is Joe Biden clearly capable of governing all of the American People to the betterment of this Representative Republic?

  Yes, it is important that Haters are named.

  No, Joe Biden cannot accept criticism when the real truth is his cruelest taskmaster.

  I have no idea what is going on because I only consume Democratic Socialist Media.

629 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#157

Was it a judicious ploy for Joe Biden's FBI to execute the unprecedented raid of President Trump's Mar-a-Lago estate?

  Yes; the Cheneys despise this former Republican president, and for good reason ... so they say.

  No; never has a former president been treated with this level of vindictive abuse by those temporarily in power.

  Who cares? It's Trump.

932 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#154

Inarguably, the policies of the Democrats in congress and Joe Biden as the Executive is plunging the United States into a recession, if we are not already there; a recession that was completely avoidable. Will abrupt changes in policies occur in time?

  Yes, the Democrats have a bold plan, yet to be revealed, to save us.

  No, there will have to be a complete undoing of the damage done by these Democrats.

  I can't do simple math, so how am I to understand the concept of basic economics.

1,216 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?

poll#132

Considering that Joe Biden is considered by so many to be the Imposter President: Is he actually knowledgeable enough, wise enough, patriotic enough to be this Constitutional Republic's president at this difficult point in these tumultuous times?

  Yes, Mr. Biden is thoughtful and kind, and just so different from the "Orange Man".

  No, this representation of "president" is either too corrupt, too stupid, or both to be a real president.

  I just want the fun guy, who knew how to make stuff work back.

670 total vote(s)     What's your Opinion?