Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.
Do you think you're just a quiet, patriotic conservative with good old-fashioned family values? Oh no! You may be a dangerous fascist!
Study this list of fascist tendencies so you can do better and be less fascist!
- You've been to a 4th of July parade at least once in your life: All that flag-waving is a classic mark of fascism. You're supposed to love the leaders and corporations that the corporate media tells you to love, not your homeland, ya' Mussolini!
- You voted for Trump: this one's too easy. His election was not just a threat to our democracy, but a threat to all democracy - and maybe to the universe itself. Do better!
- You have more than one kid and you love being a parent: Dedication to the family is a distraction from service to the state. Just abort, you fascist - don't you want to be liberated?
- You didn't let your teenager go to that sleepover when LITERALLY EVERYONE else got to go: Ugh, so fascist!
- You use fascist dog-whistles like "Merry Christmas", "see you at church on Sunday", and "I don't really like Amazon's Rings Of Power": Just come out and say you're literally Hitler.
- You want people to make their own decisions about their kids' education and what things they inject in their bodies and crazy stuff like that: This is hard-line Nazism - individual responsibility instead of state control. Terrifying.
- You wear a tiny mustache and goose-step everywhere: honestly, you should probably get yourself checked for fascism if you have any kind of mustache...
- You give a speech flanked by marines in front of an ominous red background, accusing your political opponents of being enemies of the state: Wait a minute, is this list taking a turn?
- You use federal law enforcement to intimidate and attack political opponents: Only a dictator like Trump would do this!
- You use the media as a puppet to spread great propaganda: For example: "The Afghanistan withdrawal was the greatest military accomplishment since the Berlin airlift."
- You dehumanize the other party to the point that your followers are literally trying to mow them down in the street: Trump again! Obviously.
- Your name is Joseph R Biden Jr and you're 78 years old and you are currently president of the United States: If this is you, stop being a fascist - or just silence anyone who says you are!
And there you have it - know the signs of fascism and you won't be blindsided!