15 Reasons Completely Unrelated To The Vaccine People Are Dying Suddenly | Eastern North Carolina Now

    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    Have you been wondering why so many people are suddenly collapsing? Well, it's definitely not in any way related to that one thing, that's for sure! The world's top experts have been hard at work studying what could cause this uptick in deaths.

    Here's the most up-to-date list of everything that's causing everyone to suddenly die:

  1. Climate change: Starting with the most obvious here.
  2. Standing up too quickly: You have to stand up slower!
  3. Standing up too slowly: You have to stand up faster!
  4. Excitement from watching She-Hulk: Try pausing the show and slowly breathing into a paper bag to calm back down.
  5. Crushing grief about how tough things have been for Harry and Meghan lately: They've just been through so much. All they want is some privacy!
  6. Not enough bugs in your diet: You must eat ze bugs!
  7. Saying "love you" out of habit at the end of a phone call with your coworker: A moment of silence for these poor souls.
  8. Being misgendered: Millions die this way every day.
  9. Trying to hold it for the entire duration of Avatar 2: Bladder explosion has been linked to heart explosion.
  10. You're a Victorian-era damsel and a mouse scurries out in front of you: You're going to want to keep a fainting couch close by to cushion your fall.
  11. Heartbreak after hearing of Dr. Fauci's retirement: You can in fact die of a broken heart.
  12. Accidentally touching the Ark of the Covenant: Experts say this accounts for over half of myocarditis deaths.
  13. Having to use the gas station bathroom: Instant fatality!
  14. Someone dropped your favorite ring into the fires of Mount Doom: Nooooooooooo!
  15. Getting an experimental, untested substance injected into your body multiple times: Nah... couldn't be that.

    Well, there you have it, everyone. Watch out for these, and stay safe out there!
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )


( January 25th, 2023 @ 2:56 pm )
I hesitate to poke fun at the lemmings who foloow the establishment's narrative right over the cliff without even considering it might be wrong. Calling those who have concerns about experimental vaccines based on a brand new technology never used before and not thoroughly tested are a great deal different than the anti-vaxxers who refuse to take any vaccines for any illness. Indeed it was mentioned on the radio today about a town in California that was the opposite, the most heavily vassed in the state by percentage on Covid, yet with a long history of anti-vax positions against other illnesses.

The questions swirling around the Covid vax centers on those using mRNA technology. These are the ones with the severe side effects, although for women of a certain age, the traditional vax Johnson and Johnson can have some milder side efferts. The inventer of the mRNA technology even warned about putting that in use so quickly without adequate testing. It is interesting that Taiwan, which counts only deaths FROM Covid in its stats, not deaths WITH Covid, had slightly more people who died from the vaccine than died from Covid.

As for myself, I get the flu shot every years and am up to date on traditional vaccines, and I drove an hour each way to get the Johnson and Johnson Covid vax, but I would not ever take one of the mRNA Covid vaxxs. You lemmings can feel free to march off the cliff with that one.
Big Bob said:
( January 25th, 2023 @ 9:15 am )
I hesitate to poke the sanity of the anti vax crowd but you are simply wrong. The notion that vaccines are bad for you is ridiculous. Are they perfect? No. Are there side effects? Yes. Can you die from getting vaccinated? In rare cases probably? However when you compare the effects of the vaccine to the disease, there is no comparison. The first year of the pandemic scared everybody. But we responded and life goes on.
( January 23rd, 2023 @ 4:12 pm )
I think it's all b** 2 years after the the people are getting this covid shot and the booster and all of a sudden these people are dying of heart failure heart stopping death why why I ask why would you take a vaccine vaccine from a country that started the virus why in the hell would you even trust them I told me and my boys not to ever take the vaccine you don't know what they're putting in that vaccine that might hinder your health in 2 3 5 years down the road that's what I'm guessing mark my words this is what I'm thinking

Tom Brady Sure Glad He Gave Up Family For This Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Second-Grader Suspended For Misgendering An M&M


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

The trial for pro-life activist and Catholic father of seven Mark Houck started Tuesday before U.S. District Judge Gerald J. Pappert in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania.
Though the national media often fails to give them attention, state tax reforms are underway across the country.
Republican lawmakers proposed a bill to replace the income, payroll, and estate taxes with a national sales tax while abolishing the IRS.
A local TikTokker was left angry today after she was unable to achieve her goal of drawing attention from men at the gym, who she could then berate on camera and shame publicly on social media.
Five former Memphis Police Department officers are in custody and face several charges after their involvement in the death of a 29-year-old male, who died earlier this month in a hospital days after a confrontation with authorities.
Gov. Roy Cooper is upset that North Carolina House Republicans might amend a rule regarding overriding governor vetoes.
Left-leaning media outlets misled their readers when they touted a new study that purported to show mental health benefits of child sex change treatments, according to one of the first journalists to cover the subject.
Pfizer Inc. dropped their new COVID variant and accompanying vaccine Thursday at midnight, much to the delight of CDC officials. The new vaccine is reportedly shown to be 90% effective against the COVID variant Pfizer created in their lab.
A White House spokesman complained that reporters have continued to ask questions about the unfolding scandal involving President Joe Biden and the classified documents found in his possession in several locations.


Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm was asked to comment about urban and rural disparities in gas prices by a reporter who appeared to be implying a race-driven cause for the phenomenon.
Gov. Roy Cooper's latest executive order bans TikTok and WeChat from state government computers and mobile phones.
An attorney for former Vice President Mike Pence reportedly found about a dozen documents marked classified at Pence’s home in Indiana last week.
With egg prices soaring to historic highs, multi-billionaire Elon Musk has been dethroned as world's richest after local farmer Old Man Hopkins reported that his New Hampshire Red — who he had named "Hen" — had surpassed Musk in net worth.
The surge of fentanyl-related deaths in Seattle has risen so high that the county is running out of room to store the dead bodies.
On Thursday, Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Carolina (BCBSNC) submitted a 14-page formal protest to Sam Watts, acting administrator of the State Health Plan, opposing the award of the plan’s 2025-27 third-party administrator contract to Aetna.
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) called on the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI to search President Joe Biden’s Senate records that are stored at the University of Delaware to see if they contain more classified materials.
In a civilized society, people rely on the news media to keep them informed. It's how we learn about things like crime, local interest stories, or what we should wear for the day. But what if your favorite news anchor has been lying to you? Not good!
The Children’s Investment Fund Management CEO Christopher Hohn called for Google parent company, Alphabet, to reduce its headcount by another 25,000 workers, referencing excessive median salaries and breakneck growth in payrolls.


A performance audit released Thursday by North Carolina State Auditor Beth Wood’s office regarding the North Carolina Medical Board raises concerns for patient safety across the state.
The Department of Justice (DOJ) is reportedly prepping to sue Google over the tech behemoth’s dominance in the digital advertising space.
After revelations that former Presidents and Vice Presidents Joe Biden, Donald Trump, and even Mike Pence had violated federal law by keeping classified documents in their homes, Hillary Clinton took the opportunity to brag that she had kept no classified documents from her time
A new study whose data was obtained from senior military and defense officials as well as congressional and defense industry leaders, warns that if the United States and China engage in hostilities, the U.S. weapons cache is woefully lacking.
To meet the law’s requirements of being least-cost while maintaining grid reliability, the Utilities Commission’s initial “Carbon Plan” sees natural gas as a “bridge fuel” until sufficient zero-emissions resources “are available and can replace at scale what gas contributes to the system”
Newly crowned Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy wasted no time fulfilling his promise to free the House Intelligence Committee from members caught up in lying or sleeping with Chinese spies, Representative Adam Schiff being chief among the affected members.
Rep. Andy Biggs (R-AZ) reintroduced multiple bills to “address COVID overreach on Americans.”
N.C. Attorney General Josh Stein's challenge against a state criminal libel law from the 1930s could extend into the summer or beyond. New court paperwork sets out tentative dates for further legal action.


Back to Top