Dread it. Run from it. 2024 has arrived all the same. But fear not as the team at The Babylon Bee has been hard at work for you coming up with the most probable, and completely accurate 2024 predictions to help you make it through the New Year.
Published: Tuesday, March 26th, 2024 @ 12:22 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Tom and I got married on a cold December Wednesday in the Ayden Christian Church at three o’clock in the afternoon.
Published: Thursday, February 22nd, 2024 @ 12:45 am
By: Lib Campbell
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President Joe Biden’s White House counsel erupted over the special counsel’s report from the criminal investigation into Biden’s handling of classified material, specifically over portions of the report that highlighted Biden’s serious memory issues.
Published: Thursday, February 15th, 2024 @ 10:49 am
By: Daily Wire
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Special Counsel Robert Hur’s criminal investigation into President Joe Biden documented numerous instances of Biden having serious memory problems, a top issue of concern for voters heading into the 2024 presidential election.
Published: Thursday, February 15th, 2024 @ 7:48 am
By: Daily Wire
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According to sources embedded within the Baxter residence, local teenage son Matt Jennings casually asked his mother what she was cooking for dinner just 20 minutes after consuming approximately 50,000 calories at the family's 3 P.M. Thanksgiving dinner.
Published: Thursday, February 1st, 2024 @ 11:16 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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It happens to all of us: you sit down around the dinner table with your family, thank God for the turkey, and just as you're about to take a bite of grandma's delicious cheesy potato dish, your crazy uncle starts ranting about how the Fellowship could have just taken the Eagles to Mordor.
Published: Thursday, February 1st, 2024 @ 3:10 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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Atheists around America spent the day sitting patiently around dining room tables waiting for a wonderful Thanksgiving meal to materialize itself from nothing.
Published: Thursday, February 1st, 2024 @ 2:58 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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A local man found himself embroiled in a personal crisis today as he prepared to take his traditional trip to an extended family Thanksgiving holiday after coming to the realization that he is, indeed, the "weird uncle" he's heard people talking about.
Published: Thursday, February 1st, 2024 @ 1:23 am
By: Babylon Bee
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A local man undid an entire year's worth of diet and physical activity over the course of one single hour during his family's Thanksgiving meal.
Published: Wednesday, January 31st, 2024 @ 9:45 pm
By: Babylon Bee
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In response to criticism about the high prices of food as the holiday season approaches, the Biden administration assured American families that the cost of Thanksgiving dinner is actually down significantly this year
Published: Wednesday, January 31st, 2024 @ 8:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Just when President Joe Biden made headlines for venting about his low poll numbers, he received another reason to fret on Monday, weeks before the start of the 2024 election year in which he is seeking a second term.
Published: Sunday, January 14th, 2024 @ 10:36 am
By: Daily Wire
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About 750 Post staffers walked off the job.
Published: Thursday, December 28th, 2023 @ 4:11 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Thanksgiving changes from year to year, the dates change, and the attendees at the Thanksgiving feast are different. Chairs are empty that once weren’t. How is gratitude mounted in the face of grief and loss?
Published: Thursday, December 21st, 2023 @ 8:27 am
By: Lib Campbell
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House Oversight Chairman James Comer (R-KY) said on Sunday that he believes Republicans will have enough votes to formalize the corruption-focused impeachment inquiry against President Joe Biden.
Published: Wednesday, December 20th, 2023 @ 6:40 pm
By: Daily Wire
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A friend gave us an insulated mug with a clever cartoon saying, “Happy Hallothanksmus.”
Published: Wednesday, December 20th, 2023 @ 4:48 pm
By: Tom Campbell
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As Thanksgiving approaches, Americans prepare for a holiday marked by higher grocery prices this year.
Published: Saturday, December 16th, 2023 @ 11:39 am
By: John Locke Foundation
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In a horrific yet tiny accident, Houston Astros second baseman José Altuve was accidentally stepped on as the Texas Rangers stormed the mound to celebrate making it to the World Series.
Published: Thursday, December 14th, 2023 @ 10:51 am
By: Babylon Bee
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Herbert “H.N.” Jackson, 88, of Hamilton NC passed away peacefully on Tuesday, December 5, 2023.
Published: Monday, December 11th, 2023 @ 9:19 am
By: Announcements
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Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy cornered Press Secretary Karine Jean Pierre during Monday’s briefing, asking whether she truly believed that the American people could feel the economy improving.
Published: Sunday, December 10th, 2023 @ 12:36 am
By: Daily Wire
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Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) shared on Monday that he has been in contact with Rep. George Santos (R-NY) ahead of a possible expulsion vote following a scathing House Ethics Committee report.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 8:47 pm
By: Daily Wire
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NYC Library Vandalized By Pro-Palestinian Protesters Needs $75,000 Clean-Up Amid Migrant Budget CutsHundreds protested during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 8:24 pm
By: Daily Wire
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With the Thanksgiving holiday weekend coming to an end, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) announced his plan for a quick vote on President Joe Biden’s request for roughly $106 billion in funds for Israel, Ukraine, and other national security priorities.
Published: Saturday, December 9th, 2023 @ 3:23 pm
By: Daily Wire
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A train derailment in Kentucky on Wednesday caused molten sulphur to spill out of two cars, starting a fire and leading to some residents evacuating the area.
Published: Friday, December 8th, 2023 @ 11:17 pm
By: Daily Wire
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The threat of a terrorist attack in New York State is reportedly increasing as a “direct result” of Hamas’ terrorist attack against Israel last month when the Islamic terror group murdered 1,200 Israelis and injured thousands more.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 9:08 pm
By: Daily Wire
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After the game Staubach remarked he threw the ball deep, closed his eyes, and said a Hail Mary.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 8:14 pm
By: The Correspondent
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Children’s entertainment has been slowly becoming woke-ified over time, with the slippery slope turning into a perilous mudslide over the last few years especially.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 7:47 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Bob Vander Plaats, President and CEO of The FAMiLY Leader, announced Tuesday evening that he is endorsing Florida Governor Ron DeSantis for president.
Published: Thursday, December 7th, 2023 @ 11:57 am
By: Daily Wire
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Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) said on Sunday that she would try again to get Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas impeached after the House punted on her latest effort last week.
Published: Monday, December 4th, 2023 @ 2:04 am
By: Daily Wire
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The Senate passed a short-term spending bill on Wednesday night that will continue to fund the government at current levels until early 2024.
Published: Wednesday, November 29th, 2023 @ 1:23 pm
By: Daily Wire
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The GOP-led House screeched to a halt on Wednesday one day after lawmakers passed a bipartisan stopgap measure to avert a government shutdown.
Published: Wednesday, November 29th, 2023 @ 12:38 pm
By: Daily Wire
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Giving thanks
Published: Saturday, November 25th, 2023 @ 6:22 pm
By: Countrygirl1411
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Thanksgiving as a holiday just makes profound sense. It is one of the Unites States's oldest holidays and is emblematic of who Americans are ... or maybe were.
Published: Thursday, November 23rd, 2023 @ 8:55 pm
By: Stan Deatherage
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With Christmas just around the corner, Mayor London Breed of San Francisco encouraged residents to get their shoplifting done early this year.
Published: Thursday, November 23rd, 2023 @ 11:48 am
By: Babylon Bee
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