Harvard Med School Officially Replaces Oath ‘Do No Harm’ With ‘Mutilate Kids For Money’ | Eastern North Carolina Now | In light of so-called "gender affirming care" making the Hippocratic Oath silly and outdated, Harvard Medical School has officially adopted the new oath "Mutilate Kids For Money."

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    BOSTON, MA     In light of so-called "gender affirming care" making the Hippocratic Oath silly and outdated, Harvard Medical School has officially adopted the new oath "Mutilate Kids For Money."

    While genital mutilation of small children was once frowned upon as barbaric and sadistic, Harvard Medical School has resumed the practice after realizing they can make a truckload of cash. "Sure, I had my doubts about performing invasive surgery on a completely healthy young girl that would render her infertile and permanently scarred," said obstetrician Dr. Francis Grimstad. "But then, I realized that I could make a lot of cash. Who cares how much I hurt children if I can buy a house in Martha's Vineyard? Bring me another defenseless little girl and my scalpel!"

    The school decided it was therefore time to replace the antiquated Hippocratic Oath with one that better reflects the school's values. "Back in the dark ages of medicine, ignorant doctors would make a solemn pledge to 'do no harm'," said the president of Harvard Medical School, Daemon Pazuzu. "Luckily, we have now become enlightened to the real purpose of medicine: making money by permanently mutilating defenseless children, while we pat ourselves on the back for being good people."

    While clinics performing permanent child mutilation have already begun to close in other countries as the harms become well-documented, Harvard has doubled down on its commitment to physically and psychologically traumatizing children. "As we see gender clinics across the globe closing, it only underscores how much we need to indoctrinate young physicians to hurt children," said Dr. Pazuzu. "If you don't catch them as medical students, they may actually learn how to read medical research, or develop some form of a conscience. Anyone with a brain knows these gender clinics will inevitably be shut down two decades from now by an avalanche of lawsuits from the kids we mutilated - but until then, we are dedicated to hurting as many children as we can."

    At publishing time, the ghost of Hippocrates was dearly looking forward to the day of reckoning when all those who intentionally harm others will finally be stripped of the title "physician."
Go Back


Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )



Comment

( August 20th, 2022 @ 10:28 am )
 
There is often a finer point to good satire, even though it is hard to find humor in this unforced tragedy.

This is that time here by the Babylon Bee.



Mar-A-Lago Search Warrant Claims Trump Had Acquired All Six Infinity Stones Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Nine Subtle Hints Your Wife May Be Mad At You


HbAD0

Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Acomplaint filed with the State Board of Elections this week alleges that the Neighbors on Call Political Action Committee is taking in-kind contributions from the state Democratic Party that exceed the limits set by campaign finance laws.
A California district superintendent recently announced that a high school football team was no longer allowed to display the Thin Blue Line at its games, but that didn’t stop Saugus High School players.
More sever penalties for those who profit from drugs are needed
Babylon Bee CEO Seth Dillon revealed that the Christian satire outlet ultimately gained a broader audience by refusing to delete a post that caused the former management of Twitter to shutter its account.
The United States' soccer match against England ended in a tie, handing the U.S. team victory as the country which last beat the other in a war wins the tiebreaker.
The Biden administration is close to granting a license to Chevron to resume pumping oil in Venezuela, following previous reporting that President Joe Biden would ease sanctions on the socialist country to allow the U.S. oil company to continue production.
As inflation comes home to roost for many American families preparing to celebrate Thanksgiving, leadership at one of the largest poultry producers in the nation is denying that households will shift from turkey to other alternatives.
N.C. State Treasurer Dale Folwell discussed issues surrounding several towns in the state Tuesday during his monthly “Ask Me Anything” virtual press conference.

HbAD1

Elon Musk may release information on Twitter’s internal discussions regarding censorship of stories about Hunter Biden’s laptop prior to the 2020 election, the newly-established CEO suggested Wednesday.
A new Civitas Poll of North Carolina parents has new information on their views of teachers and what is happening in the classroom
Disney fired CEO Bob Chapek in a dramatic development Sunday, bringing back its former boss and ending a disastrous tenure that saw the entertainment giant become a value-hemorrhaging caricature of wokeness.
A local retailer is making waves after announcing its most dramatic Black Friday sale ever, in which every item in the store is marked down to whatever the price was before Biden became President.
Readers know that when you watch CBS News, much of what you see is spin, but a report regarding Hunter Biden’s infamous laptop from the legacy media network on Monday really takes the cake.
Famed author Salman Rushdie lost the use of one hand and an eye after an attack in August by a man who stormed the stage and stabbed him in the neck and torso several times — his agent confirmed last week.
Cooper makes state personnel office like Soviet political commissars
On Tuesday, Nov. 1, North Carolina’s Democrat Gov. Roy Cooper held a press conference at the Executive Mansion announcing the creation of a new commission tasked with reforming the University of North Carolina System’s governance.
President Joe Biden (D) responded to questions about his age and fitness for office during an interview that aired Sunday morning by saying that he could “drop dead tomorrow.”

HbAD2

Biblical scholars have come to a unanimous conclusion that the food for which Esau sold his birthright was actually a marshmallow & Jell-O salad.
Notable figures from around the world expressed shock after images emerged late on Friday night of Chinese communist dictator Xi Jinping having his predecessor, former President Hu Jintao, taken out of the Chinese Party Congress.
Former President Barack Obama took a passive shot at Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (R) in an endorsement video Friday of DeSantis’ gubernatorial opponent Charlie Crist (D).
When I was a tenth grade student, I had the good fortune to have an English teacher named MS. Comer.
Newsmax on Thursday dropped Lara Logan over comments the she made about immigration while appearing on the network with host Eric Bolling.
Several news crews raced to the scene of a reported shooting this morning to determine whether details of the shooting might prove politically useful or not.
Elon Musk predicted a global recession that could last until 2024.
A report from last Monday’s oral arguments on racial admissions preferences.
Police in Arkansas accidentally set a suspect on fire after a prolonged police chase.

HbAD3

 
Back to Top