Musk Announces All Food In Twitter Cafeteria Will Cost $8 | Eastern North Carolina Now | Twitter CEO Elon Musk announced Wednesday he would be opening an exclusive company cafeteria that would sell items for $8.00 each

Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)
    Publisher's note: This post appears here on BCN with the expressed permission of the Babylon Bee - friends that can find your funny bone in a very dark room.

    SAN FRANCISCO, CA     Twitter CEO Elon Musk announced Wednesday he would be opening an exclusive company cafeteria that would sell items for $8.00 each, reversing an earlier policy in which free delicacies were lovingly spooned directly into the mouths of employees by an on-call wait staff.

    "Twitter is losing millions of dollars a day. We can't keep giving away food," Musk said in a company-wide e-mail. "Support your own paycheck by buying the new Musk Meatball Sub in the company cafeteria!"

    Musk's message continued, "I know you can afford 8 bucks for lunch. That's exactly how much you've been paying for fancy coffee drinks every morning ever since I got rid of the barista."

    Employees immediately took to Twitter to disparage the announcement. "He is literally asking us to starve to death," tweeted employee Janelle Misiqua (@manwoman). UPDATE: Janelle Misiqua has been fired.

    "I'm afraid to try the salad," tweeted Client Account Manager Shelley Duvall (@xxxhotdogtown). "It could be anything!" UPDATE: Shelley Duvall has been fired.

    Others have expressed confusion that every item on the menu costs the same. "Why am I paying 8 bucks for lima beans and a pasta dish? It doesn't make any sense," tweeted Director of Accounting Daryl Philbro. UPDATE: Daryl Philbro has been fired.

    Network Admin David D'Angelo (@iamacat), however, posted a contrary opinion. "The Musk meatball sub is chef's kiss," he tweeted. "Well worth the 8 dollars. Would buy again."

    At publishing time, Musk decided to scrap the new cafeteria in favor of watching Twitter employees battle each other for bread in the new Twitter Thunderdome.
Go Back

Leave a Guest Comment

Your Name or Alias
Your Email Address ( your email address will not be published)
Enter Your Comment ( no code or urls allowed, text only please )

Uh-Oh: Hillary Clinton Says She Has A Big Announcement Tonight Babylon Bee, Editorials, Op-Ed & Politics Wife Gains Control Of House With 1-1 Majority


Latest Op-Ed & Politics

Democratic operatives are reviving a partisan watchdog group to “investigate the investigators” and hound House Republicans who are preparing congressional investigations into the Biden administration.
As flagged by Barstool Sports, Qatar just pulled one of the greatest “bait-and-switches” of all times by pulling the plug on beer being sold at the stadium roughly 48 hours before the World Cup is set to kick off in the Islamic nation.
Program-value and debt-to-income data are sufficient to protect the public interest.
Attorney General Merrick Garland named Jack Smith, a former war-crimes prosecutor, on Friday as special counsel over two Department of Justice (DOJ) investigations into former President Donald Trump.
Local man Robert Thurdriftle took the day off work to tackle some of the 74 different things he had to do but, after puzzling about what to do first, eventually settled on doing nothing.
Senator Rand Paul (R-KY), a fierce defender of American civil liberties, harshly confronted FBI Director Christopher Wray about the communication between social media companies and the FBI regarding social media users’ private information.
Law enforcement in the Bahamas revealed on Thursday that officials seized assets belonging to defunct cryptocurrency platform FTX and moved them to a government-controlled wallet for “safekeeping.”
Few things shock me regarding political campaigns, whether that be an extreme exaggeration of candidates’ positions, overblown scandals spread on social media, or blatant fearmongering to get just a few more voters to come out for their preferred candidate.
Speaking at the 59th Annual Economic Forecast Luncheon in Phoenix, Arizona, Federal Reserve Governor Christopher Waller implied that employers should slow down any wage increases they hand out so that the American economy can temper inflation.


Amid plunging stock price, unprofitable streaming, and a business model intensely focused on sexualizing children as young as possible, Bob Chapek has been ousted from Disney and replaced with former CEO Bob Iger.
A federal judge appointed by former President Barack Obama faced backlash this week for issuing a preliminary injunction against a law signed by Republican Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis that targets woke indoctrination in higher education.
Daily Wire Host and best selling author Matt Walsh addressed a crowd of about 400 people at the University of California, Berkeley after airing his acclaimed documentary “What is a Woman?”
Elon Musk is infamous for being a brutal boss to work for, and with his acquisition of Twitter, the employees will have to adjust to an absolutely crushing new work environment. Can they survive?
President Joe Biden’s administration moved to shield Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman from a lawsuit on Thursday over his involvement in the murder of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi.
North Carolina’s 6th Congressional District Republican candidate, Army special forces veteran Christian Castelli, claims the Democratic incumbent, Rep. Kathy Manning, is making false statements about him, and he’s just filed a cease-and-desist letter to make it stop.
A new poll surveying Florida residents has found that Florida Governor Ron DeSantis would trounce former President Donald Trump in a 2024 Republican Party presidential primary.
The World Cup courted controversy this week after one of the teams continued racking up an obscene number of points even after it was clear they were already poised to win 1-0.
Rep. Lee Zeldin (R-NY) said Thursday he would “very seriously consider” running for Republican National Committee chair, challenging Ronna McDaniel in her bid for reelection.


FBI Director Christopher Wray admitted Thursday that he left early a Senate oversight hearing in August to go on vacation.
Twenty-four members of the US Men's Soccer team were thrown off the top of the Lusail Stadium today after defying Qatar authorities and wearing LGBTQ+ jerseys on the field. Twenty-four players died in the incident.
Facebook officials said Wednesday that the social media platform has no plans to reinstate the account of former President Donald Trump, despite announcing his bid earlier this week for a second term in the White House in 2024.
Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has a seven point lead over former President Donald Trump in who Republican voters want to see as the party’s 2024 presidential nominee, according to a new poll released this week.
Washington Examiner looks at Biden attack on democracy
shows ideological indoctrination on climate alarmism in schools
Joe Biden is the most popular president in history. You can't throw a rock without hitting someone who voted for him! So, the chances are high that someone you love is a Biden voter.
DailyWire+ has acquired exclusive film and television rights to Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged,” and will develop a series based on the groundbreaking 1957 novel, company co-CEO Jeremy Boreing announced Thursday.
The Civitas Poll of parents found that parents want controversial books reviewed by committees and objectionable books removed from elementary schools


Back to Top